Pain Comes in Many Forms
by 14faraday
Summary: Spencer is waiting for Ashley to pick her up to meet Ethan, but things don't go as planned. An accident, a trip to the hospital, and the chaos that ensues. Will Spashley prevail, or will life spin out of control?
1. Chapter 1

**This is my first SON and only my third fanfic so reviews are appreciated. This idea came to me very quickly and hopefully I can finish it.  
I don't own SON despite my best efforts.  
**

Spencer looked at Carmen and tried to keep herself from flinching. She wanted Ashley to hurry up and get here, but was also nervous about what Carmen might do if the two came face to face.

"I heard you were moving," Spencer said a little coldly.

Carmen adjusted her bag, "Yeah, that's my mom for you. When things get rough she packs a u-haul. But, I'm kind of tired of moving. I mean, I would like to stay here, if I had a reason."

Spencer looked her dead in the eye and knew she was referring to her, to them. But she couldn't give Carmen another chance, not after being shoved like that. Carmen seemed to read the rejection and nodded her head sadly.

"So I guess I'll be leaving then," she turned to leave but whipped back around when she heard screeching tires.

Spencer turned too and everything seemed to slow down. A car was fishtailing, aiming straight for her. She barely registered Ashley's Porsche pulling into the school lot and the look of horror on her face. The car kept coming closer and closer, but she couldn't get her feet to work. Instead she stood there until the world went black.

Ashley watched with horror as Spencer stood in the vehicle's path. She slammed on her breaks and jumped out of her Porsche, the only thing on her mind getting to Spencer. What she saw broke her heart, Spencer lying unconscious on the ground, blood pooled around her. Others started to rush over and Ashley fought so hard not to panic. She pulled out her phone and dialed 911.

"911 what's your emergency?"

"I'm at King High and my girlfriend was hit by a car, she isn't moving," Ashley breathed, ignoring the glare Carmen sent her for saying girlfriend.

"We'll send an ambulance immediately. Don't move her."

"Ok." Ashley hung up the phone and bent down next to Spencer, her entire body shaking. "Don't you dare die on me Spencer."

Carmen looked at her, "Why'd you say that she was your girlfriend?"

Not taking her eyes off the blonde, "Old habits die hard."

"Oh my God, Spencer!" Chelsea shouted when she finally fought through the crowd. "What happened?"

"I…I lost control of my car, it just started fishtailing. I tried to miss her, I swear I did," the bloody driver whispered, his face contorted in pain and guilt.

Ashley finally rips her eyes from Spencer to glare at the driver, "If anything…if she…there won't be a place in L.A. you can hide."

It was a couple of minutes later before the sounds of sirens could be heard and two ambulances and a couple of cop cars pulled into the school lot. The EMTs quickly started working on Spencer, and judging by their facial expressions it was fairly serious. As they started to load her up Ashley and Carmen moved to go with her.

"I'm sorry, but unless you are family I can't let you ride with her," one of them said not unkindly.

Carmen looked disappointed but Ashley wouldn't just let it be the end and pulled her cell phone out once again. It rang a couple of times before the other end picked up.

"Paula, this is Ashley."

"Ashley? What's wrong?"

"Spencer was hit by a car, the ambulance is here, and someone needs to go with her."

"Give them the phone."

Ashley tapped one of the EMTs on the shoulder and handed him the phone. He looked completely puzzled but put it up to his ear. His face changed after a second and he started to briefly explain Spencer's injuries. He went silent, then said ok and hung up. "Miss Davies, you can ride with us to the hospital."

Ashley, while completely concerned with Spencer's health, couldn't repress the smug smirk shot at Carmen as she climbed into the back of the ambulance. The sirens started up again and Ashley was speeding with Spencer towards the hospital.

Paula was waiting for her daughter when the ambulance arrived and went straight into doctor mode, although Ashley could see the panic in her blue eyes. Ashley sat in the waiting room for all of five seconds before she started pacing. She was interrupted by the entrance of Chelsea and Carmen, and a few minutes after them Arthur and Glen. No one said anything, talking would only make the situation real.

After what seemed like hours Paula came out, a pained yet relieved expression on her face, "She'll make it. She broke a couple of ribs and fractured her arm."

"Thank God," Ashley whispered, finally sitting down.

Arthur looked at his wife and dared to ask the question he was scared to, "What's wrong?"

"She…she hit her head pretty hard. She…she seems to have amnesia."


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: Thanks for the reviews. As to your suggestion southxofxnowhere, the thought has crossed my mind.**

**So I felt this chapter had to be from Ashley's point of view, but I don't know if I should keep it that way or switch back to my 3****rd**** person omniscient. Suggestions?**

Ashley's POV

I can't move. I can't breathe. I just want to wake up from this nightmare. I look around and see Mr. C and Paula talking, but all I can hear is a buzz. Chelsea and Glen are embracing while Carmen has a look on her face I can't identify.

"Ashley," Mr. C says kindly, placing a comforting hand on my shoulder, "do you want to see her?"

I nod my head numbly, not trusting my voice. Our entire party walks down the hallway, no one saying a word. We reach her door and Paula turns to Carmen and me, "I don't want you to take this the wrong way, but I think you two should refrain from telling her she's gay."

"Paula!" Mr. C sighs.

"I said don't take this the wrong way. She has a lot to deal with right now. She's scared. I'm not saying we won't tell her, but right now we need to keep things simple."

I look at Paula dead in the eye, "I won't say anything today; it was hard enough for her to deal with when she told me."

Carmen shifts uncomfortably, "I won't say anything right now, but she is my girlfriend."

_Girlfriend_. Hearing that coming from her mouth makes me sick to my stomach. But I fight it down, right now Spencer needs people who care about her, even if adds another crack to my heart. Paula gives us a grateful smile and enters the room, I'm right behind her.

"Spence," I whisper. She's bandaged and bruised, and yet she's still the most beautiful person I have ever laid eyes on. She smiles confusedly at us but doesn't say anything. Paula waits until everyone is in the room before she starts talking, and I can tell that she is drawing upon every ounce of strength that she has.

"Spencer, do you remember anyone standing in this room?" she asks slowly.

Spencer's blue eyes sweep the room, starting with Mr. C and Glen, then to Chelsea and Carmen, then finally on me. When our eyes meet I stop breathing. For the first time since I can remember Spencer looks at me and there is no connection. In her eyes I am nothing but a stranger, and this is some of the worst pain I have ever felt. I fight back the tears and keep my eyes trained on her as she looks at her mother and shakes her head no.

"Well, that's your father and your brother Glen. This is Chelsea, she's one of your best friends. And this is Carmen, who's also a close friend of yours. And this is…"

"Ashley Davies, pleased to make your acquaintance," I smile, sticking my arm out. What can I say, I have to lighten the mood or I won't make it.

To my absolute relief Spencer smiles at me and takes my hand, "Nice to meet you Ashley Davies." And there it is, the tinniest connection. I dare to hope.

"Do you need anything, Spencer?" Carmen asks from behind me and I feel like growling.

"Um, no thanks. Actually, I'm kind of tired," Spencer says quietly.

Paula steps over to give Spencer a hug and that's when I realize our hands are still locked. I let go and back away, not willing to leave until Paula forces me out the door, something I'm used to.

"Ok honey. We'll leave and you get some rest. I'll be in the hospital all day, so if you need anything just call for a nurse and they will get me."

"Ok…mom," even I can hear the awkwardness in her voice. I'm not the only one Spencer sees as a stranger.

We all file out after saying goodbye. I don't pay any attention when everyone starts to leave; I only notice that suddenly I am all alone. I pull out my cell phone and dial the number I am not sure I should call, but I don't think I have anyone else.

"Ashley?" he asks with confusion.

"Hey Aiden. I know, a lot has happened, but I really just need a friend right now," I whisper.

"Ashley, what's wrong?" he asks and I can hear the panic in his voice.

I take a deep breath, again I don't want to say it out loud, "Spencer was in an accident. I rode with her in the ambulance and I need someone to give me a ride back to my car at the school."

"Yeah, of course, I'll be there in about fifteen minutes. Is Spencer going to be all right?" I smile at the genuine concern in his voice.

"She'll live. I, can we hold off the rest of this conversation until we're face to face?" I beg.

"Whatever you need Ash. Like I said, I should be there in about fifteen minutes."

"Thank you Aiden."

Fifteen minutes later and I see Aiden walking through the entrance. I don't think, I just walk up and wrap my arms around him, taking what comfort I can. We stand there for a couple of minutes, he doesn't ask any questions and for that I am thankful. I break from the embrace give him a weak smile that he returns. We walk to his bike in silence.

"You said your car is at King High?" he asks gently.

"Yeah, but I don't want to go there right now. Do you think we could go to the beach?"

"Of course Ash."

We get to the beach and walk for a minute before I can't take the silence any longer, "She has amnesia."

He stops walking and runs a hand through his hair, "Oh my God. Is it…will she get her memory back?"

I shake my head, "I don't know. I am pretty sure Paula was explaining it, but I was in shock, I didn't hear a word."

"What exactly happened?"

"I was going to King High to pick her up, she was going to come with me to meet Ethan, who I need to call and explain things to, for some record idea he has. When I pulled into the lot I saw a car heading straight for her. I called the ambulance, rode with her to the hospital. Paula took us to see her, and she asked me and Carmen to keep the gay thing hush hush for now. Which I get, it's a lot to digest under normal circumstances. But, I guess I thought I wouldn't have to tell her."

"What do you mean?" he asks gently when I go silent.

"I thought she would look at me, that when we locked eyes she'd…maybe not remember but know. That looking at me she would realize that she's attracted to girls. But when our eyes met, there was nothing there. There was a little something when I touched her. I don't think I can take this," I sob, this time backing away from Aiden. I don't want to be around him anymore, I don't want to be around anyone but Spencer. I want to wrap my arms around her and tell her that we are meant to be together. And I want her to return the embrace and tell me she knows.

He takes a step towards me, "Ashley, I don't know anything about amnesia, but I know Spencer. She's strong, she'll pull through this. And she'll need you to do that. She's going to need her best friend."

"I know Aiden, but it killed me when she looked at me and there was no recognition in her eyes."

I see his face turn hard and he jabs a finger at me, "Don't you dare leave her again Ash. If you bail on her now you will never get her back."

I take a deep breath, "Thank you Aiden, I always said you'd make a good girl."

He cracks a small smile, "I'm always here for you Ashley."

I'm sitting in my car outside King High. Aiden dropped me off a good ten minutes ago but I can't take my eyes off the scene of the crime. I know what I am going to do. I am going to do what I told Spencer I would do. I'm not going to stop trying.


	3. Chapter 3

**Thanks for the reviews, lets see if I can keep you interested  
I own nothing.**

**********************************

Spencer sighs and clicks the TV off. She looks around her private hospital room and wishes for the thousandth time in three days that she had her memory back. She didn't remember her parents and brother, yet they talked to her like she should. Chelsea stopped by once and she tried to act cool, but just looked sad. Carmen came every day, but she just acted bipolar. One minute she would be talking and laughing and the next quiet and nervous, mostly she was annoying. Then there was Ashley. She came by more often than her father and brother did, but she didn't mind. When Ashley came they would just sit in a comfortable silence and watch TV. Ashley let Spencer ask questions and never got frustrated, and never forced a memory on her. Spencer liked that Ashley was letting things progress at a slower pace.

Her thoughts were interrupted by the entrance of her mother, "Hey sweetie, how are you doing?"

"Fine mom," Spencer replied with a fake smile. This had become a routine. Paula would check up on Spencer several times a day and ask how she was doing, and every time Spencer would respond that she was doing fine. It seemed to appease Paula, but Spencer didn't even know what it meant. Fine compared to what? It isn't like she could remember how she used to be and feel.

"Good, did you want anything for lunch? Your father can bring you something."

"Um…sure."

"What are you in the mood for?"

Spencer shook her head blankly, "I don't know, just tell dad to bring me something I like."

Paula could sense the bitterness in her daughter's voice and gave a sad smile, "Ok honey. Be sure to call if you need anything."

"I will. Bye mom."

Paula left and Spencer fell back against her pillow. Things were just so awkward. "Maybe things will be better once I get out of this hospital," she mumbled.

"Talking to yourself again? I was hoping that hitting your head would take care of that little problem."

Spencer looked up and saw Ashley standing in the doorway with a smile, "It's comforting to know I was always insane."

"Glad I could be of assistance," Ashley grinned while stepping into the room. She tried to look casual, but her eyes were glued to the blonde's, just like they always were. "Did anything exciting happen today?"

"What could possibly happen here that is exciting?" Spencer asked and tilted her head.

Ashley shrugged, "A hot nurse could have given you a sponge bath."

Spencer giggled, "What are you up to?"

Sitting down Ashley shrugs again, "Nothing much, I just finished a meeting of sorts and was in the neighborhood, thought maybe that you could use a little company."

"Thanks. What was this meeting of sorts about?"

"Oh, I met with this guy Ethan, who had been a gopher for my Dad. He wants me to do a cover of one of my Dad's songs with Kyla. Apparently he has this whole list of people close to my Dad who are willing to put an album together."

Spencer's brow furrows, "Your Dad is a singer?"

Ashley's smile falters for a second, "He was, he died about a year ago."

"That sucks," Spencer mutters, feeling terrible that she couldn't remember such a dramatic event in her friend's life.

Ashley could sense Spencer was beating herself up, "Don't Spence, you were here for me when it happened. Right now you're the one who needs someone, thus my presence."

The blonde managed a weak smile, "Yeah."

They sit in a comfortable silence for the next twenty or thirty minutes, watching a rerun of Law and Order: SVU. Ashley's eyes keep flicking over to Spencer, but she lets the silence be. She knows that Spencer is having a hard time adjusting, but that's to be expected. Right now all she can do for the girl is be present, talk when she's asked to, and not force anything on her.

But it sure as hell ain't easy. She wants to hold Spencer's hand. She wants to brush the blonde hair out of her eyes and kiss all her pain away. Ashley wants nothing more than to whisper her proclamations of love and promise to never leave her again. But that would most likely scare the shit out of the poor girl, which isn't high on the brunette's to do list. So here she sits, stealing glances and praying that someday soon they will be reunited in every way.

"What are you guys watching?"

Ashley looks up and scowls, not bothering to hide her dislike, "SVU. What brings you here Carmen, don't you have school?"

Carmen returns the scowl, "I'm taking an extended lunch. I assumed that Spencer would be alone at this time."

Spencer looked between the two girls that claimed to be her close friends. She knew from the moment they walked into her room that first day that they didn't like each other. They either glared or completely ignored the other. "What is it with you two?"

Carmen opened her mouth to say something, but closed it when she realized she didn't have a ready lie. Luckily for Paula's wishes, Ashley is quick on her feet, "We're rivals of sorts. You and I became best friends a couple of days after you moved out here. But…when I got my inheritance and dropped out of school we drifted apart a little. You met Carmen, and she took my place in a way. So…naturally, we don't get a long that well."

"If we drifted apart, then why were in the ambulance with me?" Spencer wonders.

"You remember that?" Ashley asks excitedly.

Spencer shakes her head, "Sorry, I overheard mom saying something to dad about you riding with me."

"Oh. Well," she glances at Carmen and smirks, "even though we didn't see each other every day, we talked on the phone every night. You were going to go with me to meet Ethan when the accident happened."

"I see," Spencer turns back to the TV, brow furrowed in thought.

Ashley keeps silent, knowing that Spencer is trying to sort something out. Carmen, however, doesn't have the memo, "So I heard you are getting released tomorrow."

"Yeah. It'll be nice to get out of this room. I think I'm coming down with cabin fever."

Ashley chuckles, "You can have a flare for the overdramatic."

"And I wonder where I got that from?" Spencer teases.

Ashley just flashes a nose crinkling smile and turns back to the television. Truth is, in the three days since the accident she had been anything but dramatic, meaning maybe Spencer is starting to remember a little bit.

Carmen looks between the two and balls her fists in anger, "Ashley, do you think I could speak with you?"

Ashley stands and looks Carmen evenly, "Sure. Spence, I'll be right back."

They walk a ways down the hallway in silence, wanting to make sure they are far enough away Spencer won't overhear anything. Finally Carmen rounds on Ashley, "What the hell do you think you're doing?"

Ashley smiles smugly, "I don't know what you're talking about?"

"You are trying to steal my girlfriend away from me. Just because she has amnesia you think you can fix your problems and just win her back. Well back off, Spencer is with me."

Ashley doesn't lose the smile, but her voice lowers to a growl, "Spencer is my best friend and she needs me, so I'm going to be around. But you know what? You have every right to be nervous. Spencer and I belong together, and even if she had her memory I would be fighting tooth and nail to get her back. Tell me, did she tell you that we talked every single night on the phone before going to bed? This includes during your time as a 'couple'? Don't you wonder why we're still best friends after all the crap that happened? You have to know that you don't stand a chance, not in the long run."

Carmen pointed a finger in Ashley's face, aware of the nurses bustling about, "Stay away from Spencer or I'll make you."

"Paula couldn't keep us apart, what makes you think you could?" Ashley taunts while backing away.

Ashley re-enters Spencer's hospital room to see the blonde eating a taco with her father. When Spencer sees Ashley she flashes a bright smile before turning her attention back to her food. Ashley sits down next to her, not saying anything. She catches Arthur's eye and he nods his head the tinniest fraction. What exactly he was trying to convey with the head nod Ashley didn't know, but she chose to think it was his ok for her to win Spencer back.

***********************************************************************

"Spencer, welcome home!" Glen called as he ripped open the door to reveal his recently released sister looking at the house with disappointment. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing, I was just hoping that seeing the house would bring back some memories," Spencer entered the house and looked around, trying to find something familiar.

Glen shifted a little uncomfortably as Arthur and Paula entered the house. Paula placed a gentle hand on her daughter's shoulder, "Your room is upstairs. I'll show you, and then you can either lie down, or come down her and watch TV, whatever you want to do."

Spencer looked around her room, once again disappointed at the lack of memory rushing back. She assured her mother that she would be fine, and started to slowly go around the room examining every item in there like it was precious. She stopped at a picture of her and a black boy around her age, they looked so happy together. The picture of him was in a frame with pictures of the rest of her family, and she wondered who he was. The next item that got her to stop was her ipod, she turned it on deciding the quiet was getting to her. After she went all around her room she sat on her bed. Slowly she reached out and picked up a teddy bear that was sitting on her pillows. There was something about it, something familiar. She couldn't place what it was, but she wrapped it up in her arms and let out a content sigh.

A vibrating startled her out of her thoughts. Looking around she spotted a cell phone on her dresser. She looked at it and couldn't stop the smile spreading across her face.

**Hope you made it home safe. Luv Ash**


	4. Chapter 4

**I own nothing. Sorry for the delay, college life kind of sucks at times.**

"Spencer, are you sure it is ok if I go back to work tomorrow? If you still need me here, I can stay," Arthur tells his daughter gently.

"Dad," Spencer rolls her eyes, "it's been two weeks, I think I can handle being home alone for a few hours."

"Ok, honey. I just want to make sure."

Spencer lets out a puff of air and looks back down at her meatloaf. In two weeks she has made little progress with her memory. Her mother assures her that it isn't something she should be worried about, but Spencer can't help thinking that maybe she will never get her memory back.

"I'm just going to go upstairs, I'm kind of tired," she says softly, not making eye contact for fear of Paula being able to read the lie. She has spent the last two weeks constantly with at least one member of her family, and she can't take much more.

When she gets upstairs she notices a missed call, from Carmen. After a brief debate she pushes the call button.

"Hey, how are you? Did you remember anything today?" Carmen asked, glad that Spencer was the one to initiate the phone call this time.

Spencer flopped onto her bed, "Nope, nothing new. Today wasn't too bad, but I am ready for tomorrow."

"What's tomorrow?"

"Dad is going back to work, so I finally get a little alone time."

"Any big plans to celebrate?"

"Nope. What's probably going to happen is I will love it for the first few hours then get bored out of my mind."

Seeing an opportunity, "Well, I could stop by tomorrow during lunch. It's been a few days since the last time I was there."

Spencer thought for a second, the last time Carmen came by they actually had a good time watching movies, "Actually, that would be nice."

"Cool, so…"

"Hang on; I'm getting another call," Spencer switched over, "Hello?"

"Hey beautiful."

Spencer grinned, "Hey Ash, isn't this a little early for you to be calling?"

Spencer could hear Ashley's shrug, "I call when I feel like it. Besides, the last couple of nights you have been too tired to talk for very long. It's not a problem is it?"

"No," Spencer answered quickly, "I'm just making an observation. Um, Carmen is on the other line, but we were just finishing up. So I will be back in a minute."

"Who called?" Carmen asks, pretty sure she knows the answer.

"Ashley. Um, so I guess I will see you tomorrow?"

"Yeah…"

"Ok, well, goodnight." Spencer felt a little bad for just cutting off her friend like that, but this is a nightly ritual, "I'm back."

"Did you finally snap and kill your family?"

Spencer grinned, "I thought about it. If Dad weren't going to work tomorrow I don't think I would be able to take another day in this house. Actually, I'm still not sure I can take another day."

"I'm sorry. Are they still not letting you out of the house?"

"I went to the grocery store with Dad today," Spencer put as much enthusiasm in her voice as she could muster, making Ashley laugh. "I know that they don't want to overwhelm me, but seriously, I don't understand why they have to keep me practically under lock and key."

"They care about you, and they are just a little on the unstable side?" Ashley offered.

It was Spencer's turn to laugh, "That might be it. How was your day?"

It was like this every night, Spencer would ask Ashley about her day, and Ashley would never ask if Spencer remembered anything, trusting that the blonde would let her know if she did. "I met with Ethan again today, Kyla and I start working on the song the day after tomorrow."

"That's exciting!"

"Yeah."

"Why am I more pumped about this than you are?"

"I'm psyched. It's just, I am going to be recording in an actual studio, for an actual record, it's like a dream. And, well, this is going to sound bad, but a part of me really wishes that Kyla wasn't involved with this. Music has always been my thing, and I have never even heard her sing in the shower."

"I'm sure everything will turn out just fine. And you better hook me up with an early copy of the album."

"Promise, I'll even sign it."

"You have such a big ego," Spencer said with exasperation.

"Yeah, but I make it cute."

"Spencer?" came Paula's voice from the doorway.

"Yeah mom?"

"Who are you talking to?"

"Ashley, why?"

"Just wondering. I thought you were tired."

Spencer gives her mom a funny look before speaking to Ashley, "Um, I am getting the impression that I should be going to bed. I'll talk to you tomorrow."

"Bye."

Spencer looks at her mother, waiting for her to start talking, "You didn't have to hang up. It's just that you left the family because you were tired and yet you stayed up talking to your friend."

"Mom, don't read into it so much."

"You're right, I'm sorry. Sweet dreams."

Spencer sits on the sofa clicking through channels and finding absolutely nothing to watch. Her parents and brother all left about two hours ago, and like she had predicted that first two hours had been great. But now, now there is nothing to do and no one to do it with. Her thoughts are interrupted by the doorbell. Curious, she walks to the door and opens it slowly, until she sees who is on the other side.

"What are you doing here?"

"Hello to you too," Ashley smirks while stepping into the house.

"Sorry, it's just, what are you doing here?"

"I'm here to kidnap you."

Spencer tilts her head, fighting back the smile, "You are here to kidnap me? Should I be worried?"

Ashley rolls her eyes, "You said you are going stir crazy in this house, so I figure you could use a little time away. Today is the last day I have before the chaos that is the record, and your parents aren't here to stop me from whisking you away in my very comfortable and pretty sports car."

"And where are you whisking me away to?"

"The beach of course."

"Really?" Spencer couldn't fight the smile any longer. "Do you think I will look ridiculous wearing a bathing suit with this cast?" she raises her arm to emphasis the point.

"You always look good Spence," Ashley said with more sincerity than she meant to.

Spencer seemed to pick up on it because she flushed and turned away, "Um…so I am going to go upstairs and change."

Ashley sighed, glad that she hadn't scared Spencer away. She hadn't been around as much as she would have liked the past two weeks, and each time she did come over she had to deal with the entire Carlin clan, so when she realized that today Spencer would be alone she couldn't pass up the opportunity. She wanted today to be special, and for her and Spencer that meant the beach. She couldn't help but get her hopes up that today would be a significant day in their relationship.

She was brought out of her thoughts by Spencer's descent, which promptly drove all thoughts out of her mind completely. Spencer was wearing short shorts over her bikini bottoms that showed off her legs that went on for miles. And it took all of Ashley's strength to keep her eyes off of the toned stomach.

"So…do you still think I look good?" Spencer asked coyly.

Ashley grinned, "You're almost as hot as I am."

"And there's that ego again."

"Are you ready?"

"Almost, I figured I should probably leave a note in case my parents come home before we get back."

"Good thinking. But, you don't have to say that I kidnapped you, they might think you mean it literally."

"So you start recording tomorrow?" Spencer asks forty-five minutes later as they walk along the beach, letting the tide wash over their feet.

"At nine in the morning," Ashley nods.

"Are you going to be able to survive getting up that early?" Spencer teased, bumping her hip against the brunette.

"I can only hope. If it was for any other reason I doubt I would even consider getting up at such an hour."

"Music really means a lot to you, doesn't it?"

Ashley smiles softly, "It does. For a long time it was the only thing I had."

"What do you mean?"

"Music was my only escape for the longest time, the only thing I had that could make me feel better. It was the only thing that could make me feel good about myself."

Spencer took a steadying breath, "You say for the longest time, what else makes you feel that way?"

Ashley stops walking and tries desperately to find a good way to tell the truth without telling everything, "I finally found someone who got me, someone who cared about what happened to me."

"Me," Spencer whispered, not able to look Ashley in the eye.

They remained silent for a few minutes, Spencer not knowing what to say and Ashley scared to push her best friend. Finally Ashley opens her mouth, "How you are able to stay trapped in a house with Glen is beyond me."

"Glen can definitely be a little much, but he really isn't around that much. When he isn't at work he is with Chelsea. You don't think they like each other, do you?"

Ashley can't suppress her laugh, "Glen, and Chelsea? No way. Even if it wouldn't be weird because of Clay, I just can't see it."

"If you say so," Spencer shrugs as she starts walking again. "But being cooped up in the house is frustrating. You have no idea how much I owe you for kidnapping me today."

"You can thank me later," Ashley smiles.

The two continue their walk along the beach, talking about the people they pass and every inconsequential topic they can come up with, completely at ease with each other.

Arthur pulls into his driveway and sees Carmen standing outside the house looking concerned. He quickly gets out of his car and approaches her. "What's up Carmen?"

"I told Spencer yesterday that I would come over for lunch, but she isn't answering the door," Carmen says with a frown.

"I'm sure she's just sleeping or in the shower," he tries to assure.

He unlocks the door and starts to call out for his daughter. When he doesn't get an answer he starts to search the house, starting with Spencer's bedroom. Carmen looks around downstairs, and stops when she gets to the kitchen. Lying on the counter is a note.

Ashley came by and kidnapped me. We are at the beach

so don't be worried, I have my phone with me.

And don't be mad at Ashley, I really needed to get

out of the house for a little while.

Spencer

Carmen locked her jaw as Arthur came in. He saw what she was holding and read it over her shoulder, breathing a sigh of relief that his daughter was alright.

"Aren't you mad at her for leaving like that?"

"Honestly, it makes me a little happy. Sneaking out to spend time with Ashley is something that Spencer would do. I don't know if this means she is remembering anything, but I'm pretty sure it means Spencer is happy."

"Don't you think she should be happy with her girlfriend and not her ex-girlfriend?" Carmen demanded.

Arthur looked at the young girl and chose his words carefully, "Before they were "together", they were best friends. And they were the closest best friends I have ever seen. I think that without her memory, it is easier for Spencer to re-start a relationship as a best friend than it is a romantic one."

"But that isn't what Ashley is after. Ashley wants to date Spencer, she told me so herself."

Again Arthur chose his words carefully, "I'm sure that's true, but I also know that I have never seen her force a relationship onto Spencer. Now, since Spencer isn't here you should probably head back to school."

Spencer sits in Ashley's Porsche, not ready to get out and go inside her house. Instead she leans her head back and turns to her friend, "Thank you, for today. I really needed it."

"You don't have to thank me Spence; I had a lot of fun today too."

"Ashley," Spencer begins nervously, "can I ask you something?"

"Anything."

"Did we…am I…? At the beach I noticed that I…am I gay?"

Ashley can't suppress her chuckle, "You could say that."

"And are you…?"

"I'm not into labels," Ashley just couldn't resist.

Spencer nods her head and looks out towards her house, "And Carmen, she's gay too?"

"So I've heard," Ashley mumbles, no longer liking where this conversation is going.

Again Spencer nods her head, "And I dated both of you?"

"What makes you say that?"

"Oh come on Ash, I may not have my memory but I'm not stupid. You two hate each other too much for it to be caused by anything else."

"You and I dated, but then things kind of fell apart. We stayed friends, and you started dating Carmen."

"Why do I get the feeling it is a bit more complicated than that?" Spencer tries and fails to joke.

Ashley tries to catch Spencer's eye, "It is, but I can't handle going into the details right now."

"That painful, huh?"

"Parts of it. And some parts of it are so happy it's painful to know that the memories are only mine right now," Ashley tells her honestly.

Spencer opens the car door, "I'll take that as my cue to leave."

When she reaches the door she turns around at the sound of Ashley's voice, "I'll call you tonight?"

"You better."


	5. Chapter 5

**So here is my latest chapter, I hope you like it. I own nothing but Riley.**

"It's about time!" Paula barks the second Spencer closes the door.

Spencer cringes and gives an apologetic smile, "Hey mom. Sorry, I really didn't think we would be gone that long."

"You shouldn't have left at all," the elder Carlin said sternly.

"And that is exactly why I had to leave," Spencer replied hotly.

"Excuse me?"

Spencer takes a deep breath and looks her mother in the eye, "For the past two weeks someone has been watching every move I make. The only time I get to breath is when I go to bed, and that got old fast. I needed today. I needed to go out and just relax."

Paula purses her lips, "I suppose we have been keeping a pretty close eye on you. We're worried about you, and in parents that often leads to being overprotective."

"Or unstable, as Ashley put it," Spencer teased.

Paula broke into a small smile, "Next time, call rather than leave a note."

"Deal."

"Spencer, how was the beach?" Arthur asks as he comes out of the kitchen with a spoonful of something.

"Fun. Educational."

Arthur raises an eyebrow, "Educational?"

"Yeah, I confirmed my suspicion that I am gay," her face falls after a second. "You guys did know, right?"

Arthur smiles warmly, "We know."

"So whatcha cookin'?" Spencer asks, sniffs the air.

"Breakfast casserole, but I think it's missing something."

They all walk into the kitchen and try and help Arthur find his missing ingredient. Paula notices that for the first time since they brought Spencer home her smile isn't forced. She knows that Ashley has something to do with that, and sends a silent thanks to the brunette.

"Oh, Spence, I almost forgot, Carmen stopped by today for lunch. She says you knew she was coming over," Arthur says while adding garlic to his concoction.

Spencer slaps her forehead and groans, "I completely forgot. When we talked last night she said she would come over, but then Ashley stopped by and said we were going to the beach and I just completely spaced it. I should probably call her and apologize."

"That would be good; she seemed pretty upset that you forgot."

Spencer pauses on her way out the door, "Was I dating Carmen when I had the accident?"

"You were. But don't let that pressure you into getting into a relationship you aren't ready for."

"Your father's right," Paula adds, "if you aren't ready to date then don't. I'm sure Carmen will understand. Besides, right now you should be focusing on healing, not romance."

Spencer smiles and nods her head and leaves for her bedroom. She sits on her bed for a couple of minutes, trying to figure out the best way to say she's sorry. She really does feel bad, Carmen was annoying at first, but lately they have been having a decent time together. But when she opened her door to find Ashley all thoughts of Carmen flew from her mind.

Finally she picks up her phone. It rings maybe twice before Carmen answers, "Hey, I wanted to call and apologize for today."

"Did you have fun at the beach?" Carmen sneers.

Spencer bites her lip with guilt, "I really am sorry. I just wanted to get out of this house so bad that I spaced everything else. Can I make it up to you?"

Carmen is silent for a moment, "Well…maybe you and I could hang out together, outside of the house."

"That would be fun. Any place in particular you want to go?"

"Movies are always good."

"That sounds like fun. How about we go Saturday? Maybe catch a matinee?"

"It's a date."

Spencer falters for a second, "Right. Um, I'm pretty beat so I am going to go to bed. I'll talk to you later."

"Bye."

Spencer leans against her headboard and sighs. She suspected for the past week or so that she was more attracted to girls than she was to guys. At least, that's what television characters she found herself watching more closely. And then today at the beach she would notice the surfer boys, and then pay more attention to the girls they were trying to impress. And while she couldn't remember dating Ashley or Carmen, they were too invested in her and hated each other too much to be just friends. And honestly, she could see why she dated them. Carmen could be funny and sweet and there was something between them. Ashley, well she was drawn to Ashley. Whenever they hung out everything seemed better, simpler. This afternoon when it was just the two of them it was like nothing else mattered, which only adds to her frustration at her lack of memory.

Obviously they had a strong connection. But what the hell happened? Why were they able to remain friends after breaking up? Why did they break up? What was so painful and what was so happy? Does Ashley still want to date her, or does she just want to be friends? 'God, this is so confusing!' she thinks, rubbing her eyes.

*******************************************

Ashley sits in her loft, staring at the TV but having no clue what she's watching. Instead her mind is filled with thoughts of a certain blonde. Today had been great. They talked, they laughed, they flirted, and Spencer didn't run screaming at the thought of being gay. But it isn't enough. She knows that it has to be, that she absolutely has to take things slow, but she doesn't want to. She doesn't know how to express how desperately she wants to rush over to the Carlin home and profess her undying love. But maybe, just maybe, now that Spencer knows that she's gay and that they used to date, she can start being a little more obvious with her intentions. Perhaps.

*******************************************

Spencer opens the back of the SUV so her mom can start loading the groceries. It seemed like after her little outing Paula was trying to give Spencer a little more space, while still being around of course. But it was nice to get out of the house all the same.

"What's that?" Paula asks, grabbing a flyer off her car. "Show your Pride."

Spencer takes a look over her mom's shoulder and reads about the Gay Pride Day celebrations that weekend, "Interesting."

Paula hands the flyer to her daughter and starts to load up the car, "Do you want to go?"

Spencer blinks, trying to comprehend what her mother just asked. From what she could tell, the Carlin family is a bunch of devout Catholics, which doesn't really scream Gay Pride. "Actually, I would."

"Well, maybe we could go this weekend, as a family."

"That would be great," Spencer smiles a thousand watt smile. "But I told Carmen I would go to the movies with her this Saturday."

"So invite her to come with us."

"Ok, I think she would like that."

************************************************

"You're going to Pride?" Ashley asks with a smirk as she grabs a bottle of water from her fridge. She notices Jake and Kyla going at in on the couch and gags audibly.

"Not just me, my entire family plus Chelsea and Carmen," Spencer says with excitement.

Ashley's eyes instinctively narrow at the mention of Carmen, "You sure are embracing your sexuality. I mean, you just rediscovered you're gay, and now you're all with the rainbows."

"It was my mom's idea, and I have gotten the impression that I should capitalize on the offer. Are you going?"

"I will be too busy dealing with Ethan and giving a press conference, but you'll have fun, I promise."

"I'm sure I will, but I would have more fun if you were there," Ashley is glad that Spencer can't see her grinning like an idiot.

"Of course you would."

"Have fun at your press conference."

Ashley groans and sits on her bed, "I really don't want to go, I don't see why I can't let Kyla do it, she's the camera whore."

"Ashley!" Spencer giggles, "You shouldn't talk about your sister like that."

"Yeah, well, you would too if you had to deal with her and Jake all the time."

"That bad?"

Ashley snorts, "That bad. Hey, keep your phone with you Saturday. That way if I get the chance I can meet up with you."

"Sounds good. I'll talk to you tomorrow, bye."

"Bye."

****************************************************

"So, are you having fun?" Carmen asks as they watch the parade.

"Yeah, I'm glad I came. And I'm glad that you didn't mind coming to this instead of the movie, I would have felt really bad if you thought I was blowing you off, again."

Carmen smirks and touches Spencer's shoulder, "It doesn't really matter what we do. I like spending time with you."

Spencer bites her lip and looks away, fearing where this conversation is going, "We have fun."

Carmen gently places her hand under Spencer's chin, guiding the blue eyes to meet hers, "I would like to start spending more time together, like before."

"You mean when we were dating?"

Carmen's face turns hard, "I mean before you lost your memory. I know things are…different right now, but we're still together."

Spencer takes a step back, "Carmen, I like spending time with you, and I get that we were dating before the accident, but…"

"But what?" Carmen asks hotly.

"But how can I be in a relationship when I don't remember why I'm in it, or what happened during it? It isn't fair to you to be with me when I'm not the same person. And it definitely isn't fair for you to pressure me into it."

"What do you mean you're not the same person?"

"I may like the same things, I may have the same tastes and personality, but without the memories I am not the Spencer Carlin you knew."

Carmen takes a deep breath, "If you have the same tastes and like the same things, then what's the problem? You obviously liked me before."

"I'm not saying I don't like you," Spencer says exasperated. "I'm saying that I want to start over, become friends and go from there."

"Is that what you're doing with Ashley?" Carmen bites.

Spencer rubs her temple, "What is it with you two? I am hanging out with both of you, rebuilding friendships, what is wrong with that?"

"Everything ok?" Glen asks as he approaches the two girls.

"Yeah, everything's peachy," Spencer mutters. "I'm going to get something to drink." She turns around abruptly and walks towards the nearest concession stand. 'Why do things always have to get complicated just when everything seems ok, when I'm happy?' she thinks to herself while waiting in line. Today had been going great, and then Carmen had to be, well, forceful. It was like she is so insecure with their relationship she doesn't trust that by getting to know her again Spencer will want to date her.

"You look deep in thought," a voice comments from behind the counter.

Spencer gives a wry smile, "You could say that."

The red-head frowns, "Pride not living up to your expectations?"

"No, this is great. My thoughts are preoccupied with more personal issues."

"I see, well, would it have something to do with your girlfriend over there?" the girl points behind Spencer at Carmen.

"She's not my girlfriend, exactly. We were, we are, it's really complicated," Spencer answers. "Wait, were you watching me?"

The girl has the decency to blush a little, "Maybe, but what else am I supposed to do while I stand here for four hours except check out the girls that walk by?"

"So you're saying this was a crime of opportunity, good to know," Spencer smiles genuinely.

"If it's any consolation, you're the one I was most hoping would come over." Spencer ducks her head to hide her blush. When she looks up the red-head is smirking, "I'm Riley."

"Spencer."

***************************************************

"Who's that?" Ashley asks Glen as she walks up to the Carlin group, pointing to a red-head talking to Spencer.


	6. Chapter 6

**I know it has been a little while, but I have papers due, including one in ten hours that I just can't bring myself to work on. Enjoy.**

"Whatcha getting?" Ashley asks from behind Spencer.

The blonde turns around and breaks into a wide smile, "Ash! You made it!" She gives her friend a brief hug before pulling back and tilting her head, "What about your press conference?"

Ashley shrugs, "They can wait. I figured I should be here for your first Pride." Her eyes dart over to the red-head watching them, "I'll have a Cherry Coke."

"Oh, um, this is Riley. Riley, this is my best friend Ashley."

"Hi," they say in unison, neither smiles looking genuine.

Spencer looks between them and bites her lip, "Right. So, I should probably get back to my family. Thanks Riley."

"No problem, call me sometime."

Spencer nods her head and walks away, Ashley right behind, "Call me? How desperate is she, picking up girls at Pride?"

"You say it like she's the only one to do it. And she's nice," Spencer defends.

"Nice, right," Ashley says with an eye-roll.

Spencer sighs, "Carmen and I got into a fight and Riley was nice to me. Am I not allowed to have other friends?"

"All she cares about is hooking up."

"Jealous?" Spencer challenges.

"Do I have a reason to be jealous?" Ashley fires back.

Spencer doesn't answer, instead looking around for her parents. Ashley takes a deep breath and tries a different tact, "What did you and Carmen fight about?"

"She was pressuring me into dating her, talking about how we are technically still together. I told her I just wanted to get to know her again, become friends and see what happens, and she jumps down my throat."

Ashley feels like doing a happy dance, but she manages to refrain, "It sounds like she's thinking all about herself and not about you at all."

"I'll ignore the glee in your voice," Spencer says with the tinniest smile.

"There you are," Paula greets them, "Ashley, I'm glad you could make it."

Ashley froze for a second, stunned by the sincerity in the elder Carlin's voice. When Spencer nudged her she shook her head and smiled, "Of course I came. I'm glad to see that you're here too."

Spencer gives the two of them a puzzled look, wondering what history she was failing to remember, "What am I missing here?"

Paula blushes, "What are you talking about?"

Spencer snorts and turns to Ashley, knowing the chances of getting her to give in were higher, "Ashley, what's going on between you and my mom?"

Ashley opened her mouth, but shut it, not sure what to say. Spencer has every right to know what happened between them all, but how could words convey exactly what transpired? Not to mention, this isn't the ideal location for such a lengthy and complex story. Her resolve is further tested when Spencer starts to pout slightly, "That's a story for another day?"

Spencer narrows her eyes, "You promise?"

"Honey, it isn't necessarily in your best interest to have us tell you what happened," Paula says kindly.

"And what happens if I never remember? Should I live the rest of my life without at least some idea of what happened, why you all act the way you do?"

Arthur places a comforting hand on his daughter's shoulder, "How about a deal? For every week you don't have your memory back, we'll give you some answers."

"That's acceptable."

_Get wasted on love, get wasted on life, get wasted on everything that's right_ starts coming from Ashley's front pocket.

"Hey," she says dully, knowing it is either Jake or Ethan.

"Where the hell are you?!"

"I'm spending time with friends Jake," she snaps.

"Get your ass down here, right now. Do you have any idea what damage this could do to your career?"

"Don't even bother pretending you give a damn about my career, all you care about is making sure Kyla is in the spotlight so you can get your own fifteen minutes of fame."

"Just get here!"

Ashley snaps her phone shut and turns to Spencer with a grimace, "I have to go, but call me tonight and tell me what I missed."

"Of course. Go be the rock star I know you are," Spencer gives her a hug goodbye.

The rest of the day was mostly a success. Carmen was quiet, but rarely left Spencer's side. Spencer kept sneaking glances at Glen and Chelsea, still suspicious something was going on. They would share these glances that Spencer knew spoke of a deep connection, glances that made her think of Ashley. Her parents seemed to enjoy themselves, and that made Spencer inexplicably happy. But by far, the best moment of the day was when, while standing in line for the bathroom, Paula was slipped the phone number of a tall brunette. When Carmen bid them goodbye she gave Spencer a tight hug with an apologetic smile. Spencer returned the smile, but it didn't reach her eyes. Chelsea and Glen went back to her studio, something about working on a memorial, and Spencer filed it away.

*****************************************

Ashley was turning off the lights to her apartment, glad the press conference from hell was over. When she got there it was another fifteen minutes before the conference started because both Jake and Ethan felt the need to rip her a new one. And Kyla, in her infinite wisdom, had decided that the best way to pass time would be to get high. Yeah, that made things entertaining. Luckily Ashley was able to keep her sister from talking too much, and she doesn't think that the press figured it out.

Her disgruntled thoughts are interrupted by her phone, and suddenly she's in a happy mood, "I was wondering when you were going to call."

"How was the press conference?"

"Can we please not go there? How was Pride?"

"I really enjoyed it. But…it would have been better if you could have stayed."

Ashley smiles and turns off the last light, "I would have loved to stay there with you."

"I thought you might say that. So, you might want to open your door."

"What?" Ashley walks over to her front door and opens it to reveal Spencer wearing a trench coat. Ashley cocks her head in curiosity. Spencer just smiles and moves to stand inches away, and drops the coat, leaving her completely naked. Ashley eyes her up and down hungrily, and then their lips meet.

_Get wasted on love, get wasted on life, get wasted on anything that's right._

"Damn!" Ashley shouts as she is ripped from her dream. "Right, Spencer in nothing but a trench coat, like that could actually happen," she mumbles while reaching for her phone. "Hello?"

"Did I wake you? Sorry, we can talk later," Spencer began.

"No! I was watching TV and dozed off for a couple of minutes," Ashley lied, rolling to the edge of her bed and rubbing the sleep out of her eyes.

"So how did…"

"Please, don't go there."

"That bad, huh? Well, Pride was fun. And I am telling you, there is something going on between Glen and Chelsea."

"What makes you so certain?"

"The way they were looking at each other all day, it was like they wanted each other but were too scared to act on it. If that makes any sense to you."

"Trust me, I know the look," Ashley mutters.

"So, I have a confession."

"Oh?"

"I didn't just call for our nightly ritual."

"Ok, why else did you call?"

Spencer pauses for a second, "I was hoping that you might answer a question for me, you know, as part of the deal."

"I never agreed to the deal, that is between you and your father. But, what is it?"

"How did we meet?"

Ashley can't help but smile, "It was like your third day at King High, and you still didn't know your way around. Our first encounter didn't exactly go well. You happened across me while I was struggling with my locker, after a fight at home and without a full cup of coffee."

"So you were a little on the grumpy side?" Spencer teases.

"I could have been nicer. But in my defense you did spill my coffee."

"Well, in that case," the blonde laughs,

"So anywho, after classes that day you were sitting in the gym waiting for Glen to get done with basketball practice and I decided to apologize, sort of."

"Sort of?"

"Well, it wasn't the first thing I did. And I may have only gone in because I thought you were easy on the eyes," Ashley admits wishing Spencer could see her grin. "But we talked, and we got along well enough for you to agree to hang out with me for the afternoon. We hit a few of my favorite haunts in La-La Land and wound up at my house, where I freaked you out by hinting towards my sexual preference."

"That freaked me out? So I didn't know I was gay at the time."

"Not so much. You went through a little confused stage with Aiden…" she stops, cursing herself for speaking without thinking.

"Who's Aiden?"

Ashley tensed, this is not a subject she is ready to broach, "One question a week, remember?"

"Fine, be that way," Spencer gives a dramatic sigh. "Oh, hold on, I have another call."

"Carmen?" she asks distaste.

"Um, actually it's Riley. Hold on."

Ashley sits there dumbfounded. Spencer just interrupted their phone time for some red-headed bimbo she just met. 'And I thought she only got the bimbo's number, why the hell would she give her own out? God she is so naïve,' she thinks while getting out of bed to get a drink. Kyla is sitting standing at the sink, apparently lost in thought.

"What's up?"

Kyla turns around and looks down guiltily, "I'm sorry about this afternoon. I don't know what I was thinking."

"Hey, don't worry about, it's over with and we survived. Now all that's left is to kick ass on TLR."

"Right," Kyla replies not looking comforted in the least.

"Hey I'm back," she hears Spencer say and puts the phone next to her ear again.

"What did your new friend want?"

"Just to talk. I invited her to my birthday."

Ashley scowls, 'As if my work isn't cut out for me as it is.' "How nice. You know I want to be there, right?"

"I know. And I wish you were, but that doesn't mean I can't have fun, does it?"

"No," Ashley says with a pout.

"Stop pouting."

"You know me so well Carlin."

"I can't decide if that's a good thing or a bad thing."

They share a small laugh and then some comfortable silence before Spencer says goodnight. When she hangs up Ashley lies back down on her bed and starts wracking her brain for a way to get out of TLR. There is no way in hell she is letting Spencer spend her birthday with two other girls who want her.


	7. Chapter 7

**I own nothing. I'm not sure how much I like this chapter, but this is where the story took me.**

"Are you sure you have to go?" Spencer pouts as Ashley zips up her last suitcase.

"Trust me, I tried every trick I knew to get this changed to a different day."

"Well, I suppose performing live is a pretty good excuse. Hey, when you're all famous, can I get your autograph? That way I can sell it and buy my way into college and not have to repeat senior year."

"You aren't really going to have to repeat are you?"

Spencer lets out a puff of air and follows the brunette towards the door, "Probably. I've missed quite a bit of school already, and my parents don't think I need the added stress of classes. But I think it would be a good way to see what I do remember, if anything."

Ashley turns to her best friend and wraps her in a tight embrace, "I promise, things will get better. And, I also promise that you won't have to wait too much longer for your birthday present."

"And why exactly do I have to wait at all? It isn't like my birthday came up and surprised you."

Ashley sticks out her bottom lip, "I know. But, what I'm getting you just isn't quite finished yet, and it has to be perfect."

"Well, for the sake of perfection I suppose I can be patient."

They walk out of the loft and down to the awaiting limo. Jake is standing next to it talking into the phone with a frown on his face, Ashley prayed he wouldn't start ragging on her today. She turns to Spencer and gives her one last lingering hug, "Happy birthday, Spence. Now, go home and eat lots of cake."

"I don't think you have to worry about that. Now, go kick ass."

"I know you don't have to worry about that," Ashley smirks.

Spencer just rolls her eyes and steps back while the future rock star gets into her limo. She watches the vehicle travel along the crowded L.A. road and permits herself to feel selfish and wish Ashley wasn't leaving. Once the limo is out of sight she walks the couple of blocks to the café her mother is waiting at.

"Did you want some coffee, or do you want to head straight home and start the celebrations?" Paula asks as her daughter enters the café.

Spencer thinks for a second, "Um…it's still early enough caffeine would be appreciated."

"I thought you might say that, I already ordered you a mocha," Spencer smiles brightly at her mother. "So, did you have a nice time with Ashley?"

"Yeah. I mean we didn't really do all that much, I just helped her pack and saw her to the limo."

"What did she get you for a present?"

Spencer scowls, "Nothing yet. She said I had to wait a little longer so it could be perfect. I bet she just forgot."

Paula gives her daughter a soft smile, "I wouldn't be too upset about it, I can pretty much guarantee that Ashley did not forget to get you a birthday present. And it really doesn't surprise me that Ashley wants her gift for you to be perfect."

Spencer gives the elder Carlin a long, searching look, "You think Ashley is still in love with me."

Paula pauses, "I think that Ashley has always cared about you very much, even when it wasn't always apparent."

"Mocha to go." The younger blonde grabs her drink and the pair walks out in a comfortable silence.

***************************************

Spencer looks herself over in the mirror one last time. She's wearing a simple white sundress. "If it weren't for the stupid cast I would be pretty hot," she says with a sigh.

"Don't kid yourself Spence, it isn't the cast keeping you from being hot," Glen says from the doorway.

She doesn't even look at him as she brushes past muttering, "Ass."

When Spencer reaches the bottom of the stairs she is greeted by an older woman with critical eyes but a warm smile. "Spencer," she calls while enveloping the younger girl in a hug. "You look so good darling."

"Thanks."

"Spencer, your grandmother is staying the entire weekend," Arthur offers helpfully.

"Cool. Um, how was your flight?" Spencer asked, taking a wild guess the woman lived that far away.

"It was pleasant."

"Mother," Paula said nervously as she came out of the kitchen. "Spencer, your grandma is going to be staying in your room, if that's all right with you."

"And where will she stay?"

"In Clay's room," Paula says with a sad smile.

Spencer shrugs, "That's fine with me. Would you like me to help you with your bags?"

"I can manage, thank you dear. Paula, you think you could show me where I am staying?"

Spencer watches as her grandmother and mother make their way up the stairs then turns to her father with a raised eyebrow, "A little heads up that random relatives will be showing up would be nice."

"Yeah, sorry about that. Your Grandmother has been planning on coming to surprise you for a while now, and we just kind of forgot that it would be quite the surprise," Arthur smiled sheepishly.

Before Spencer can answer the doorbell rings. She opens the door to reveal a smirking Carmen and a beaming Chelsea.

"Happy birthday!" Chelsea shouts.

Spencer steps aside and lets them in, "Um, the party is mainly going to be outside, dad is going to grill for us, so you can go ahead and head back there."

Carmen hesitated for a second, but after looking at Arthur followed Chelsea out to the backyard where Glen was attempting, and failing, to start the grill. No sooner had they left than the doorbell rang again. This time Spencer opened it to find a beefy guy that stopped by once to talk to her father.

"Happy birthday Spence," Aiden says with a genuine smile.

"Thanks," she says with a confused look.

Aiden reads her face and shakes his head, "You have no clue who I am, do you?"

"Not so much, no."

"I'm Aiden, we're…we know each other from school. Your brother and I played on the basketball team together."

"Oh, cool. Well, thanks for coming and the party is in the backyard."

"Cool," he says with a smile.

Spencer watches him go and a slight frown appears. Her father asks what's the matter and she just shakes her head, "I don't know, I just, get a weird vibe from him."

"Really?"

"Whatever, must be the caffeine," she dismisses. A second later and the doorbell rings yet again. This time Spencer finds a smiling red-head, "You made it."

"I made it," Riley grins while stepping into the house. She hands Spencer a small package and takes in her surroundings. When her eyes fall on Arthur she sticks out her hand, "Hi, I'm Riley."

"Arthur, Spencer's dad."

"Nice to meet you. You have a lovely home."

"Thank you," Paula responds as she descends the stairs, her mother in tow.

"I'm Riley."

"And that's my mother and grandmother. Now that the introductions are done why don't we head into the backyard? I think I saw Glen light himself on fire, you might want to take over the grilling duties," she says to her dad as she starts to walk away.

Spencer is sitting in the lawn chairs with Chelsea, Carmen and Riley. And surprisingly, the conversation isn't awkward, instead Chelsea has been entertaining them with stories about her latest art projects and they've all commented on how good of a cook Mr. Carlin is.

"So Riley, what's your story?" Chelsea asks after getting another burger.

"I'm a freshman here at UCLA, here on a basketball scholarship. I'm originally from Iowa City, IA, and I love cats. That pretty much sums up all the important things about me."

Spencer smiles and takes a drink of her lemonade, ignoring the glare from Carmen, "Basketball, huh? That sounds like a lot of work, more than I would be willing to put in."

Riley shrugs, "If you love something, then you forget about the pain."

"Very deep," Chelsea grins.

Spencer notices that everyone's drink is nearly empty and offers to get refills. She heads to the kitchen and pauses in the doorway when she hears her grandmother and mother speaking.

"Is that nice looking boy her boyfriend, then?" her grandmother asks.

"No, mother, Aiden is not her boyfriend. Honestly I'm not sure why he's here, I think Glen invited him in hopes it would trigger Spencer's memory."

"So then she likes this boy."

Paula shakes her head, "No mother, Spencer doesn't 'like that boy'."

"Then what about him would trigger her memories? And what's wrong with him, he seems like a very nice, attractive young man."

Spencer listens intently, hoping to get some answers, "Aiden and Spencer, let's just say they're rivals and leave it at that."

"Rivals? What on earth could they compete for?"

Spencer wondered the same thing, but not for very long. The answer was obvious.

"Well, fine. But still, it isn't right that someone like our Spencer doesn't have a boyfriend."

Spencer couldn't take it anymore and entered the kitchen with a smile. Obviously grandmother didn't know she was gay, and her mother would like to keep it that way. Fine. Whatever. If she could remember she would probably understand why. So, for her mother's sake she would try to steer the conversation away from that topic.

"Enjoying the party?"

"It is very nice, Spencer. How are you liking it?"

"I like it a lot. I don't know that many people, but it's nice to be around those that I do."

"Who are your friends? I haven't heard anything about them," Catholics and their guilt trips.

Well, her plan to steer the conversation in another direction didn't last very long, "The brunette is Carmen. We met at school. And then there's Chelsea. We also met at school. Apparently she used to date Clay. The two of them have been visiting me a lot since the accident. And the redhead is Riley. I met her at…"

"A picnic," Paula interjected.

"A picnic," Spencer said slowly, "about a week ago. She's a freshman at UCLA, apparently on a basketball scholarship."

"They all seem very nice. But, didn't you have any boys visit you?"

"Not that I know of." Her grandmother frowns but doesn't say anything else.

The rest of the afternoon is spent playing Cranium and Imagine Iff. Odd, I know, but Spencer laughed her ass off anyway. Carmen obviously hated Riley, who had fun telling tales of college to the birthday girl. Chelsea spent half her time talking to Spencer and the other half talking to Glen. Again Spencer filed it away for future reference. Her grandmother didn't bring up the subject of boys again. Aiden only talked to her briefly, preferring to spend the day with her dad, and when they did talk the conversation was a little awkward. Her mother and father brought out a giant yellow cake with chocolate frosting that was to die for. Overall she had to rate the day a success.

Suddenly her phone started to go off and she smiles, "Hey, aren't you supposed to be getting ready to perform?"

"I am, but I wanted to wish you a happy birthday again."

"Thanks, Ash."

"And, to tell you that you may want to turn your TV on a little early."

"Why?'

"Just do it Carlin."

"Jeez, bossy much?"

"I have to go, turn your TV on."

"Ok, by, break a leg," Spencer shuts her phone off, unaware of the goofy smile on her face. She turns back to everyone only to see them all staring at her. "That was my Ashley. She said to turn on the TV early," she gets up to turn on the TV, the rest of the party following her.

"Who's Ashley?" her grandmother asks with a frown.

"My best friend," Spencer replies without a second thought.

"And why is she wanting you to turn on the TV?"

"Because she is going to be performing of TLR. She's kicking off her music career," she elaborates when she notices her grandmother's blank expression.

She finds the right channel and takes a seat on the couch, excited for her friend. It isn't long before Ashley comes onto the screen and Spencer smiles at how nervous the brunette looks. Then she frowns when she notices that Kyla isn't out there.

"Hey, everyone, I'm Ashley Davies." Applause. "My sister and I are going to perform for you our cover of one of our father's classics. We actually aren't supposed to perform for another five minutes, but another act cancelled, and I convinced them to let me perform a song of my own. This is actually a work in progress, but I wrote this for, for the most important person in my life, happy birthday."

When the calls and conversations  
Accidents and accusations  
Messages and misperceptions  
Paralyze my mind

Busses, cars, and airplanes leaving  
Burning fumes of gasoline  
And everyone is running  
And I come to find a refuge in the

Easy silence that you make for me  
It's okay when there's nothing more to say to me  
And the peaceful quiet you create for me  
And the way you keep the world at bay for me  
The way you keep the world at bay

Monkeys on the barricades  
Are warning us to back away  
They form commissions trying to find  
The next one they can crucify

And anger plays on every station  
Answers only make more questions  
I need something to believe in  
Breathe in sanctuary in the

Easy silence that you make for me  
It's okay when there's nothing more to say to me  
And the peaceful quiet you create for me  
And the way you keep the world at bay for me  
The way you keep the world at bay

Children lose their youth too soon  
Watching war made us immune  
And I've got all the world to lose  
But I just want to hold on to the

Easy silence that you make for me  
It's okay when there's nothing more to say to me  
And the peaceful quiet you create for me  
And the way you keep the world at bay for me

The easy silence that you make for me  
It's okay when there's nothing more to say to me  
And the peaceful quiet you create for me  
And the way you keep the world at bay for me  
The way you keep the world at bay for me  
The way you keep the world at bay

**AN: The song is "Easy Silence" by the Dixie Chicks. I want you to know it took me forever to decide on a song, hopefully you agree this fits.**


	8. Chapter 8

**Here's my latest. **

**Spencer's POV**

I bite my lip and refuse to make eye contact with anyone. I can feel all eyes on me. I try to hide the blush and fail miserably. As Ashley strums the last few chords of the song to thunderous applause her eyes stare straight into the camera, straight at me. If I was unsure before, now I was positive that Ashley was in love with me. I knew I was drawn to her, that the connection we had went deep. But I also know we broke up. What I don't know is what caused it, who broke up with who, and if I loved her back.

"Thank you!" I hear Ashley yell to the applauding crowd.

The host comes walking up to her with the biggest smile and tosses an arm around her shoulders. "Wow! Ashley Davies ladies and gentlemen! And we'll hear more from her after the break."

"Did that girl sing that song for you?" my grandmother asks.

Riley answers for me, "Well, that puts my gift to shame."

Out of the corner of my eye I see Carmen fuming. Next to her sits Aiden with a resigned smile. On my other side my grandmother is frowning, and I can tell she is replaying the conversation she had with my mother and I in the kitchen, "Why did that girl write a song for you? And who is she? Is she the one you called 'your Ashley' a little bit ago?"

"She is. Ashley has been my closest friend since I moved here." I was spared anymore questions when the show comes back on, this time an extremely nervous looking Kyla stands next to Ashley. The music starts up and Ashley begins singing the chorus. A second later Kyla opens her mouth. About twenty seconds into the song I close my eyes, 'Shit. Kyla sucks at lip-syncing.'

"Oh, that isn't pretty," I hear Glen say.

"Ashley is going to be pissed," Aiden says with a cringe.

I can tell Ashley is furious and I wonder if Kyla is going to make it back to California alive. On the surface Ashley is calm, but I notice the subtle difference in Ashley's eyes, and my heart goes out to her. When the song started she was glowing, now, now I can see the storm brewing even through the television. The song comes to an end and the response is a polite clap. I click the TV off as Ashley walks off the stage with her head held high. My first instinct is to pick up the phone and call her, do whatever I can to comfort her. So, I reach for my phone. She doesn't answer and I tell her voicemail to call me if she needs to.

"Poor Ashley," my mother says sincerely.

"Actually, it may not be as bad as we think right now," I turn to Riley with a raised eyebrow. "True, that could have gone much better, but she got her own song out before hand. It'll provide some protection for her. Her sister, on the other hand, she's pretty much screwed."

I try to take comfort in her words. I notice Carmen again, and this time there is the slightest smile playing at her lips. That pisses me off, "Carmen, I know you and Ashley don't exactly get along, but there's nothing funny about this situation."

Carmen stands and looks at me with frustration, "Always protecting her."

"What does that have to do with anything?" I demand, standing too. "Ashley just got humiliated on national television, this isn't about protecting her, this is about being a good friend. I don't care if you and Ashley never get along, but at least be a normal human being and show some sympathy."

Carmen stands there, clenching her fists, and I flinch. I don't know why, but Carmen noticed and immediately her eyes softened and she took a small step towards me, "I'm sorry. I…I do feel bad for Ashley." I don't know if I believe her, but I nod my head and she sits back down.

"Is there something going on here that you want to tell me?" my grandmother asks, and judging by the sound of her voice she wants me to say no.

I look her dead in the eyes, "What do you think is going on?"

My grandmother casts wary glances at Carmen and Riley, "Are you as close to these girls as you are to this Ashley?"

I give a sly smile as I look from Carmen to Riley, "Possibly and not yet." Everyone but Glen and Riley, who are trying not to laugh, look completely lost at my comment so I decide to completely open the can of worms and elaborate, "Ashley and I used to date. Carmen and I were dating before the accident, and Riley, well I think she wants to date me." I see Riley nod her head in agreement. "I'm assuming that Ashley and I were pretty close and intimate, I'm not sure how intimate Carmen and I were, and I just met Riley." Now my mother and father are blushing, Glen is openly laughing at our grandmother's horrified expression, Carmen is scowling again, Chelsea and Aiden don't seem to know how to react, and Riley is still fighting her laugh.

"You dated two girls? Paula! How could you let this happen?"

"Mom, Spencer is gay; it isn't something I let happen. It just is."

"I will not accept that. If you hadn't strayed away from traditional family values this would never have happened."

I look at my grandmother with confusion, "So why didn't I magically become straight when I lost my memory?"

She didn't have an answer, instead she rounded on my mother again, "It is your responsibility as a mother to guide your daughter, to show her the correct path to God."

My mother rubs her temples, "Mom, a mother's job is to love her daughter unconditionally. I almost lost Spencer when I first found out she was gay, I tried to force these close minded beliefs on her and you know what she did? She ran away from home with her girlfriend. It took a lot of time and losing a child to realize that what I was doing to her was wrong."

I smiled at my mother, proud of her for standing up to her own overbearing mother. Then I frowned at the fact that she pushed me away so much I would run away from home. And if I was willing to runaway with Ashley then it wasn't just her who was in love with me, I loved her too. It also shed a little light on their comments to each other at Pride. 'Hey, maybe if I can keep them arguing I can get a few more answers.'

"Um, I think I should probably go," Aiden says while slowly exiting the room. He gives me a good-bye wave that I don't return.

"Yeah, me too," Chelsea says while standing.

Glen grabs her hand as she starts to leave, "Call me when you get the results."

"I will. Happy birthday Spence."

Carmen stands up too, "Yeah, happy b-day. I'll call you later." While the others I could tell were leaving so as not to intrude on a family 'conversation' I get the impression Carmen is leaving so as to escape the death glares my grandma is sending her way.

"Well, I guess that means the party is over. I had a good time, thanks for inviting me," Riley says, not looking as uncomfortable as the rest.

"I'm glad you came," I tell her sincerely, earning a bright smile.

As she walks past me she whispers, "If things get too intense, give me a call."

I give her an appreciative smile before turning back to my family, "Since my party is now officially over, I am going to try and call Ashley again."

"You will do no such thing," my grandmother orders me.

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me. Obviously this girl is a bad influence on you, confusing you like this. You shouldn't be allowed near her."

"Mother, did you completely miss the whole Spencer ran away from home with her girlfriend bit? Forbidding her to see Ashley doesn't work."

"You really forbade me to see her?"

My mom opens and closes her mouth a couple of times before finding her voice, "I'm not proud of my initial reaction to your relationship with Ashley, even before you were dating. I knew that she was gay, as well as not the model citizen, and I refused to give her a chance." She turned back to grandma, "But if I had I would have seen that Spencer was happier with Ashley than I had ever seen her before. What's wrong with my daughter being happy? What's wrong with anyone being happy?"

My grandmother doesn't have an answer. Instead, she stands and walks out of the room. I let out a deep breath before giving my mother a big hug. We embrace for a second before I give my father and brother a hug as well. We don't say anything, and I think that brings us closer. I leave the room reaching for my phone. This time Ashley answers.

"Hey," I whisper.

"I'm going to kill her."

"Ash, it is going to be ok."

"Ok?" I pull the phone away from my ear, "She ruined my music career! She took the one thing I can do and ruined it."

"The duet was…could have been better. But remember how everyone reacted to your song? They loved it. Everyone knows that you have musical talent."

"So they know I can sing. I'm tainted. Image is everything, and right now I'm associated with Kyla the faker."

I'm silent for a second, I want to make her feel better so badly. Finally my brain figures out what to say, "Thank you for the birthday gift, it was perfect."

She's silent for a moment, and when she answers I can hear the smile, "You liked it?"

"I loved it. It's the best present I've ever gotten."

"You can't remember any other present," she points out.

I lay on my bed and stare at the ceiling, "True, but I'm sure if I could remember them this would be better. What could possibly beat out a song dedicated to me on TLR?"

"It wasn't just dedicated to you Spence, I wrote it completely and totally for you. This conversation we're having right now just proves the truth of it. You're keeping the world at bay for me."

I don't know what to say. So we sit in silence for a few minutes. When she finally speaks again I can tell that she's still upset, but better than when she answered the phone, "I have to go, but I'll call you when I get back into L.A."

"Ok. Promise me you won't kill Kyla on the flight."

"I promise. But when we get back to our loft it's a different story."

I grin and shake my head, "I'll take what I can get."

"Bye Spencer, happy birthday."

"Bye Ash." I hang up and look at the teddy bear lying on the pillow. I grab it and wrap my arms around it, hoping that everything does work out for Ashley. Music means so much to her, it would break my heart if her career ended before it even began. I guess this answers my earlier question; I had to have loved Ashley back. Otherwise my heart wouldn't hurt for her so much.


	9. Chapter 9

**I am so sorry about the hiatus; finals fried my brains more than usual. This is a little longer than normal, so hopefully you can forgive me. I own nothing, including The Planet which belongs to Ilene Chaikin.**

******************************************

Spencer stares intently at the shelf full of DVDs. There is a small stack in her hand already, and the other customers are looking at her like she needs to get a life. Luckily for the blonde, she could care less what everyone else thought, all she cared about is finding movies that Ashley would like and cheer her up. It has been two days since TLR and her best friend is still upset. Apparently Ethan told her they need to let things die down before trying anything new, and burgeoning rock star took that to mean her dream was dying. So Spencer took it upon herself to make things better.

Finally satisfied with the selection, she walks to the counter and pulls out her wallet. It had been difficult picking out movies when she couldn't remember them, so she had to rely on the synopses of the backs. 10 Things I Hate About You, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Can't Hardly Wait, Clueless, D.E.B.S., Grosse Point Blank, and PCU were what she settled on. She threw in a couple of bags of popcorn and M&Ms and called it a night.

*******************************************

Ashley lies on the couch, glaring at Kyla. She couldn't form the words in her head to describe how pissed off she feels. Not only did her sister lip sync on national television, but it wasn't even her voice. Turns out, the bastard Jake got some other chick to record the song and slapped Kyla's name on it. She had never thought she would be capable of murder, but then again until now she had not been tested. Kyla obviously realized that her life was in danger, because she stood and said she was going to the store. Ashley didn't say anything; just let her cold eyes continue to burn holes into the other girl.

Once Kyla was gone she placed a pillow over her mouth and screamed as loud as she could. It helped, but barely. Her angry thoughts were interrupted by a loud knocking and she slowly got to her feet, ready to yell at whoever was on the other side if need be. But it wasn't the paparazzi with a camera ready to go; it was a certain blonde that never failed to take her breath away.

"I thought you and I could have a movie night," Spencer says with a tilt of her head.

Ashley permits the blonde entrance and smiles slightly. She wants to hold on to her anger, but one look from those blue-eyes and all other thoughts lose significance. She follows the blonde into the loft, unable to keep her eyes from wondering down her body.

"So what did you bring over?"

Spencer sits on the couch and pulls out the movies. "Does Blockbuster have any movies left?"

Spencer pouts, "I don't remember what you like, so I had to bring a variety in the hopes of getting at least one acceptable film."

Ashley smiles genuinely, "Thank you." She looks over the movies and furrows her brow.

"What, do you not like any of them?" Spencer asks worried.

"No," Ashley rushes, "it isn't that. It's the opposite actually. These are some of our favorites."

"Really?" Spencer asks with excitement.

The brunette nods her head, "Really. And today is a good day for D.E.B.S.; I am in desperate need for a good laugh. And I can always look at Jordana Brewster."

Spencer pretends to be offended, "What, is looking at me not good enough for you?"

Ashley's face turns serious and she holds the blue-eyes with her own, "You're beautiful Of course you are good enough." She slowly reaches a hand out and tucks blonde hair behind Spencer's ear, "And in all honesty you are too good for me."

Spencer blushes and ducks her head. When she looks back up she immediately locks gazes with Ashley, who subconsciously licks her lips. Spencer finds herself leaning in closer, eyes never leaving the chocolate ones. Ashley leans in too, not daring to breath. They are millimeters apart, eyes still wide open, and both freeze. Ashley is scared to make the first move, scared to push Spencer into something she isn't ready for, but the strain of refraining is nearly unbearable. Swiftly Spencer stands and backs away.

"Spencer, what's wrong?" Ashley tries not to let the disappointment into her voice.

"I can't…I want to so bad, but I can't."

"Why not, why can't you kiss me?"

Spencer looks away and collects her thoughts. When she turns back her resolve is set, "I can't because I don't know why we broke up. I want to kiss you so much it hurts. Judging by what I am feeling now and what I've pieced together, I was completely and totally in love with you. And you obviously loved me too."

"Love, I never stopped," Ashley corrects quietly.

"See, that's my point. What happened? Only something major, catastrophic, could have broken us up. I don't want to give in and kiss you only to get my memory back and regret it."

Ashley stands up and gets close to the blonde, fear coursing through her veins, "I don't want to tell you what happened. And it is not because I don't want you to know. I don't want to tell you because I don't want to relive it. I don't want to tell you because I'm scared you will leave. And most of all I don't want to tell you because it isn't enough. Knowing the facts and events isn't enough. We went through so much together, good and bad, and I can't explain how it felt. Giving you the Cliff Notes isn't going to help you understand, and I'm scared that's what will make you leave right now."

Spencer gives a frustrated sigh and runs a hand through her hair, "I didn't plan on today becoming so heavy. I just wanted to come over and watch a few movies with you so you felt better."

Ashley took a difficult step back, "So that's what we'll do. Pop in the disk, I'll make popcorn, and we'll act as if this never happened."

Spencer could hear the desperation in her best friend's voice and knew she couldn't say no. So she nods her head and walks over to the stack of DVDs and grabs the first one. She hears Ashley let out a sigh of relief before walking into the kitchen.

Ashley watched the popcorn bag closely, not daring to look at the object of her desires. She knew that Spencer deserved to know what happened between them, the reason that they broke up. But for that to be taken into full context she would need to tell their entire story. And how could she make Spencer understand how deep their love for each other went? How could she describe the way they danced around each other for months before admitting how they really felt? How could she explain in words why they ran away together? Or why Spencer felt threatened by Aiden in the first place? She didn't know how, and she is so scared that could destroy any hopes for them in the future, especially if Spencer's memory took much longer to return.

They sat on opposite ends of the couch as the opening credits start, the first uncomfortable silence since the accident. But as the movie progresses and they share laughs, they start to relax. By the end things seem to be normalizing, and Ashley pops in the next movie, PCU. By the time this one is done they have maneuvered to be right next to each other. In all honest Spencer is feeling pretty drained and leans back as the credits roll. She turns her head to see Ashley looking at her.

"What?"  
"You look tired," Ashley says softly.

"Yeah, I haven't been sleeping the best. But I don't want to stop the marathon. Pop in the next movie, I promise I will stay awake."

"Ok," Ashley says just as softly and leaves to place Grosse Point Blank in. When she returns to the couch she sits close to the blonde and resists the urge to offer her lap as a pillow. About thirty minutes in Spencer's head drops onto Ashley's shoulder, and the older girl sighs at the contact. She is unable to focus on the movie, instead choosing to close her eyes and enjoy the moment.

Ashley yawns and opens her eyes to blonde hair. It takes a minute for her brain to register what is going on. When it does she realizes that she too fell asleep, and is currently tangled up with her love. Her arms are wrapped around Spencer, who is laying half on top of her, and can't resist tightening her grip. The movement however causes the blonde to stir. Soon brown meets blue and Ashley feels the familiar electricity course through her body. She lifts her head up, no longer in control, and softly brushes her lips against Spencer's. She pulls back when Spencer stiffens and curses her lapse in restraint.

She doesn't fight when Spencer hurriedly gets off her. She doesn't say anything as the blonde gathers her things. She doesn't get up as her forever walks out the door.

When she hears the door shut she buries her head in her hands, "Fuck."

Spencer is standing outside Ashley's loft, her thoughts going a mile a minute. But she doesn't want that. She doesn't want to think about how right it felt to wake up in Ashley's arms. She doesn't want to think about how badly she needs to understand what happened between them to tear them apart. So she pulls out her phone and dials a number that carries no expectations.

"Riley?"

"Hey Spencer, what's up?"

Spencer says the first thing that comes to her mind, "Would you like to get a coffee with me right now?"

There is a pause on the line that makes Spencer wonder, "I would love to. Where are you at, I can come pick you up and take you to my favorite coffee spot in L.A."

Spencer gives the address and hangs up after the promise of not having to wait more than twenty minutes. She sits on the steps and tries to find something to occupy her thoughts. She watches the people walking by and wonders if their lives are as dramatic as hers. A family walks by drawing her thoughts to her own. After the little episode on her birthday her grandmother left. She spent the night in a hotel and caught the first flight back to Ohio in the morning. Spencer knew it upset her mother a lot, and was sure that if she could remember her love for her grandmother it would hurt her more. And that's what everything kept coming back to. She couldn't remember her love for people.

"Hey there, need a ride?"

Spencer looks up to see Riley leaning out a car window with a smile. Spencer doesn't say anything, just gets up and walks across the street. She doesn't look back, and maybe if she had she would have seen the brunette in the window watching.

"The Planet? I've never heard of this place," Spencer says as they enter the café.

"Well, it isn't exactly near your neighborhood. This place has some of the best coffee during the day, one of my favorite social scenes at night, and always full of beautiful women," Riley says with a wink.

"Riley!" she says aghast, "Did you take me to a gay café?"

Riley laughs and approaches the counter, "I would like a Chai Tea, and my friend will have a …?"

"Mocha with whip," Spencer supplies, reaching for her wallet.

"Don't you dare, this is my treat."

"Riley, that isn't necessary," Spencer protests, nervous this is being viewed as a date.

Riley looks at the blonde while handing over her debit card, "Yes it is. You obviously are stressed about something, and providing you with caffeine may be the only thing I can do to make you feel better. Now, where do you want to sit?"

"How about outside?"

"Sounds good to me." The two walk onto the patio and take the only empty table. "So, do you want to talk about it, or is this one of those 'talk about something else so I can sort my thoughts on my own' times?"

Spencer smiles, glad that she decided to call Riley, "For now why don't you tell me a little bit more about you, and college life."

"Can do. Umm, mostly I like college. I'm a little further away from my parents than I would like, but it happens."

"That's right; you said you are from Iowa, right?"

"Yep, land of the corn. I kind of miss it. Well, no, I miss my family and friends sometimes, I don't miss the weather one bit. I came to the conclusion that Iowa really only has two seasons, Cold and Hot, with some rain thrown in for good measure."

Spencer giggles, "How did you find this place?"

Riley grins sheepishly, "Honestly, I did a Google search for lesbian spots."

"Aren't there girls on campus?"

"Sure, but I can be lazy and didn't want to put that much effort into my gaydar. It is much easier to just go where we congregate in large numbers."

"That is too funny, and I like your honesty," Spencer laughs.

"I'm glad you approve. And I like to think it worked out, since I really do like this place."

As their drinks are set before them Spencer cocks her head and raises an eyebrow, "So does this mean that you volunteered at Pride just so you could meet girls?"

"Something like that. And once again I say I think it worked out."

Spencer brings her mug to her lips, "Oh you do, do you?"

Riley sits for a moment, debating whether to say what's on her mind or not, feeling the topic would be connected with Spencer's stress. She decides to continue her appreciated honesty, "I think that I have made a good friend. And I would like for it to go further, but accept that it probably won't, at least anytime soon."

"Why do you think that?"

"For starters, I get the impression that you don't really want to date anyone while you don't have your memory, which makes sense to me. And, well, you'd have to be dumb and blind not to notice the connection between you and Ashley."

Spencer decides not to admit anything, "You only saw the two of us together for a moment."

"Yeah, and I saw how your face lit up when she showed up, and the death glare she gave me. I heard the affection in your voice when you talked to and about her on your birthday. And the whole song as a gift thing pretty much guarantees that she feels something for you."

"I wish it weren't so obvious. I wish I could just act like we are best friends and nothing more, it would make things so much easier."

Riley shrugs, "They don't write songs about stuff that comes easy."

Spencer smiles and shakes her head.

I don't blame you, for being you, but you can't blame me for hating it

"Hey mom," Spencer says into her phone.

"Honey, where are you? I tried your cell a little bit ago and you didn't answer, then I tried Ashley's and she said you left. Is everything ok?"

Spencer cuts in before her mom goes into full panic mode, "I'm fine, I'm getting coffee with Riley."

"Oh," she could hear the confusion in her mother's voice. "Well, I would like you to be home in time for dinner."

"No problem, I'll be home in a bit."

"Ok, sweetie," Paula said, wondering what happened between the blonde and brunette.

Spencer hung up and smiled apologetically at Riley, "Sorry, my mom wants me to head home."

"It happens. We'll grab a couple of to-go cups and get out of here."

"Thanks for this, I needed a friend."  
"I'll risk sounding cheesy and say, thanks for letting me be that friend. And I was wondering, if you might need a friend tomorrow morning as well?"

"I can always go for coffee. What time?"

"I have class at eleven thirty, so how about nine thirty? That should give us plenty of time to enjoy our overpriced caffeinated beverages and get you back home."

"I'll be ready."

***************************************

After super Spencer lay on her bed and just stared at the ceiling, waiting. Sure enough, her phone rang and she saw Ashley's name flashing on the screen.

"Hey."

"Hey."

"Look, about to today," Ashley began.

"No, don't," Spencer cut in, "let's just, can we just be friends right now?"

Ashley felt her heart sink, but kept her voice steady, "Of course. So, how'd the rest of your day go?"

"Pretty good, I went to this place called The Planet with Riley, it was nice. We should go sometime. And then I had a nice, Brady Bunch-like dinner at home. You?"

"I fought the urge to kill Kyla. Worked on a song. Ate supper. Fought the urge to kill Kyla. Watched TV. And fought the urge to kill Kyla."

"In that order?" Spencer teased.

"Pretty much. Ummm, I'm kind of beat so, I'm gonna hit the sack."

Spencer wasn't surprised, but she couldn't hide her disappointment, "Ok, good night."

"Night."

The call wasn't even a minute over before her phone went off again, this time Carmen's name flashing, "Hey Carmen."

"Spencer, I haven't heard from you in a while, I was afraid something happened to you."

Spencer could hear the annoyance in the girl's tone, which only annoyed her, "Sorry about that, I've been busy."

"Busy, right. Spencer, does our relationship mean nothing to you? Don't you get that I want to be with you?"

"No, you telling me over and over again that we are dating hasn't tipped me off the you wanting to be with me," Spencer replies sarcastically, not in the mood for a fight.

Apparently Carmen can tell, because her tone softens, "I'm sorry. It's just hard not to be with you Spencer. I actually called tonight in the hopes you would be willing to go out on a date with me tomorrow."

"I don't know Carmen. I don't mind spending time with you, but I don't want it to be called a date, I don't want all that comes with that label."

"Fine, then we can just hang out. How about I ditch my morning classes and we can watch some bad morning television?"

"Actually, I already have plans tomorrow morning. And you shouldn't skip classes on my account. Maybe tomorrow night then?"

"I guess. What plans do you have tomorrow morning?"

"I'm getting coffee with Riley."

"Riley?" Spencer can hear the surprise in Carmen's voice, followed by aggravation, "So you keep in contact with a girl you just met, but don't bother making plans with your girlfriend?"

"How many times do I have to tell you that we aren't dating right now? And I did make plans with you, plans for tomorrow night."

"Yeah, fine. I'll see you tomorrow." And with that Carmen hung up.

Spencer stares at her phone, not sure how she feels about that conversation and her agreement. Her thoughts are interrupted by her phone, this time with a text message from Riley.

Looking forward to tomorrow.

"I have three girls who want to date me. I'm a slut. A gay slut."

****************************************

That night Spencer slept well for the first time since the accident. When her mom banged on her door that she had company she realized she slept right through her alarm, and cursed. She rummages her drawers for clothes and finds everything but a bra. She starts to look everywhere, including her bookshelf. In her haste she knocks over some of the books, and to her surprise pictures scatter everywhere.

She drops to her knees and starts to gather them. One of the books, she notices, wasn't really a book but one of those safes that she hadn't locked. As she places the pictures back inside she pauses, smiling at a string of pictures of her and Ashley in a photo booth, sticking their tongues out in the top one and kissing in the bottom. They had gone to the pier one Friday after school for a free concert only for it to get rained out. Ashley had dragged her into the booth, saying they had to have something to show for the trip across town. During their kissing shot some guy and his girlfriend barged in, and the guy got smacked by his girlfriend for the way he drooled over Ashley and Spencer.

Spencer froze, "Holy shit, I remember."


	10. Chapter 10

Hi everyone, so... I was suffering from writer's block, but I give you my latest and pray that you will keep on reviewing because I really appreciate it.  
Have I mentioned I own nothing?

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

The blonde sits on the floor surrounded by pictures in a bit of a haze. Suddenly she remembers. Not everything, but memories are there. Needless to say her mind is a bit of a mess right now. She is so lost in thought that she doesn't hear her door open; she doesn't even hear the first time Paula calls her name.

"Spencer! You are being rude to your guest," Paula scolds.

Spencer turns her blue eyes on her mother and the two words Paula has so desperately wanted to hear, "I remember."

"Oh honey!" Paula comes to sit next to her daughter on the floor and pulls her into a tight embrace. "I told you it would come back."

"Yeah, well, I don't know if all of it has come back," Spencer says bitterly.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean I look at these pictures and I only remember what happens in some of them. I try to remember why Ashley and I broke up and I only get bits and pieces, but I am pretty sure I know why Aiden was giving me a bad feeling at my party. I try to remember Clay and I doubt I am remembering everything. What if this is all I get back, fragments of my life?"

"Spencer, if you are getting some things back then it will only be a matter of time before you remember everything. Now, do you want me to tell Riley that you aren't feeling well, maybe stay here and just relax?"  
Spencer thought about it for a second, "No, I still want to go with Riley."

Paula nodded her head and helped her daughter up, "You might want to finish getting dressed before you leave."

"Good advice."

Spencer makes her way down the stairs and hears Riley talking with her brother in the living room. She peeks her head in and smiles a little as she hears the debate.

"There is no way you could beat me in one-on-one," Glen says with a shake of his head.

"What, just because I am a girl means that I can't keep up with a guy?"

"Yes. I mean, ok, you are on the UCLA women's basketball team, you're obviously good, but there is a difference between guys and girls."

Riley swaggers over to him, "Any time, any place."

"All right, I am going to stop you there," Spencer laughs, "Riley I'm sorry it took so long. You ready to go?"

"Yeah," Riley smiles. She turns back to Glen before leaving the living room, "Any time, any place."

"I'm gonna hold you to that," Glen calls back.

Riley asks Spencer as they get into the car, "Same place as yesterday?"

"Works for me," Spencer replies.

The ride there was nice, just a lot of small talk. It isn't until they are sitting at a table with their coffee that Spencer decides to really share.

"So, the reason I was late, later than I would have been, is that I have some of my memory back."

Riley gives a big comforting smile, "I'm really glad. That's, well that's just great news for you. You say that you don't have all of it back though?"

"Sadly, no. I remember what I am assuming is a lot, but it's all just fragments. Like a puzzle but I am still missing a few crucial pieces."

Riley takes a sip of her drink, "I have to admit I am surprised that you still came out with me this morning. I honestly thought that as soon as your memories started to come back you would want to go see Ashley."

"Yeah, well, Ashley and I…we had a weird day yesterday. And I still don't remember everything that happened between us. And, I like talking to you, I don't feel pressured when I hang out with you."

Riley smiles a little, "I'm definitely not complaining. But I don't think you should hide from her, from what I can tell she deserves a little more than that."

"You college kids, always trying to sound wise."

"It isn't that I am trying to sound wise, it's more like I am trying to make sure my conscious is clear. I've been the girl who loses out to a third party, and it isn't fun. If by some miracle you choose me, I want it to be because things just haven't worked out between you and Ashley, not because you don't want to try."

"You are an odd one Riley, but I think that's why I like you."

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ashley sits in her car, staring at the Carlin residence. Yesterday did not go as she would have hoped. Not only did she freak the blonde out, but she drove her straight into the arms of another. Who the hell does this Riley chick think she is? So here she sits outside the Carlin home, wanting to go in and talk to Spencer, but scared to. She freezes when the front door opens and Paula and Glen come out. She doesn't want to look like a stalker or anything. Glen starts to jog over and she can't help but flashback to their chat when Paula hired to deprogrammer.

"Glen," she says evenly.

"Spencer's not here right now. She went out with Riley to get some coffee."

"Riley?"

"Yeah," and Ashley could have sword she saw compassion in Glen's eyes. "Look, Spence is just a little confused right now, but she'll come around. I'm sorry I was such an ass to you guys."

Ashley sits in her car, dumbstruck. Glen Carlin just apologized. And he kind of gave his approval. "Ok pigs, you can start flying now," she mumbles as the Carlins pull out of their driveway.

She contemplates how sad it would be if she stayed there until Spencer came back. On the one hand she wants to talk to the blonde as soon as possible. On the other hand it might make her seem just a little desperate to wait god knows how long in the car.

"What the hell?" Ashley asks as she spots a car pull into the driveway that does not belong to the Carlin family. Her confusion turns into annoyance when the driver exits the vehicle. "She's not home, Carmen!"

The other brunette turns and scowls, "Then what are you doing here? Stalker much?"

Ashley gets out of her Porsche and walks over to her least favorite rival with a sweet smile in place, "Don't you have school or something?"

"Don't you have a music career to watch go down the toilet?" Carmen sneers.

Ashley's smile vanishes, "Why do you even bother trying? It's obvious to everyone that Spencer doesn't want to date you."

"And you are certain she wants you?"

Ashley answers with utter confidence, "Yes."

"Then why is she out with Riley?"

Ashley had to admit that one hurt a little, "She's out with Riley because Spencer needs friends right now, not people who can't keep their hormones in check. You have to know that's the reason Spencer ignores you, right? She is so fed up with you trying to force this relationship on her that she doesn't want to be around you at all. Then again, even if you weren't trying to force a relationship on her she'd still spend most of her time with me."

Carmen takes a step closer so they are nose-to-nose, "You need to back off."

"Or what? Hitting me isn't going to make Spencer chose you. Hell, nothing you do will make Spencer choose you," Ashley responds not intimidated in the slightest.

"You really need to watch what you say!" Carmen spits, her control slipping at each exchange. "The only reason you have a chance with her is because she doesn't remember what you did to her. I heard all about what happened between you two, how you broke her heart for some meathead. How you bailed when her brother died, like your life is so much more important than hers."

Ashley grinds her teeth, "Listen, chica, I know that I royally fucked things up, but I also know that Spencer and I were getting past all that. It did occur to you that the reason I was at the school the day of the accident was to pick her up, right? I wonder why she didn't bother to tell her girlfriend that she was going to be the moral support for her ex?"

Riley reaches the Carlin residence and both girls frown at the sight before them, Ashley and Carmen standing toe-to-toe. As soon as Riley stops the car Spencer is out heading towards her exes. Neither seems to notice her approach, too engrossed in their staring contest.

"What is going on here?" Spencer demands.

The two brunettes finally take their eyes off of each other and look at the object of their desires. Ashley is the first to open her mouth, "Hey Spence."

"Ashley, what is going on here?"

Carmen notices Riley coming up behind Spencer and she gives a dark laugh, "I'd like to know that too. I mean, you're the one seeing three girls."

At this Ashley's attention snapped back to Carmen, "I think **you** need to watch what you say."

Spencer snorts, "That's probably a little hard for her, Carmen has anger issues. I mean, you should have seen her reaction the night you two met, luckily my arm didn't bruise."

Two thoughts drain all others out in Ashley's mind. One, Spencer remembers, which of course makes her beyond happy. And two, Carmen hurt Spencer and therefore she must die. She turns to Carmen, making sure her body is between her and Spencer. "You hurt her?" Then thought number three entered her head and she turned back to Spencer, "And you kept dating her?"

The blonde's eyes widened, "No, no I did not. I told her we were over."

Carmen was pale, but she shook with fury, "After the way she treated you, you kept defending her. And the second things got rough between the two of us you run back to her! How could you still love her after what she did to you? But one little shove and you treat me like a leper!"

Riley took this moment to step forward, "I think you better leave." Carmen looked around once more before storming off to her car.

Everyone stood in silence for a minute to let everything sink in. Ashley wasn't sure whether to feel mad or relieved. Spencer was trying to shake off the memory of that night with Carmen. And Riley was trying to figure out if she should just leave the two to talk things out or if Spencer wants her to stay.

"So…you remember?" Ashley asks tentatively.

Spencer nods her head and turns to Riley, "Umm, thanks for this morning."

"Any time."

"I'll call you later," the blonde says awkwardly. Riley gives a small smile of understanding and walks back to her car. "So we should talk," she says quietly.

Ashley nods her head but doesn't say anything. She doesn't know where to start. So they continue to stand on the lawn, uncomfortable, not knowing what is happening between the two of them. Ashley can only take the silence for so long thought, "So, Riley can be pretty freaking intimidating when she wants to be."

"I know, that surprised me too! I mean she's always so nice and laid back. But I guess that's what happens when you're almost six feet tall and lift weights every day," Spencer smiles, glad to have anything to say.

Ashley takes a deep breath and starts walking towards the bench, "So do you remember everything?"

"I don't know. This morning I found a picture of the two of us and I remembered what happened. I looked at other photos and some I could place and others brought nothing. I didn't remember that Carmen and I weren't really together, but then again I didn't think about her."

That made Ashley snicker, "I tried to tell her she didn't stand a chance."

Spencer cocks her head and locks eyes with the brunette, "I remember prom. I remember that you weren't there for me when I needed you most. I remember that the second I rejected you, you went to Aiden." Ashley hung her head, knowing tears are seconds away from forming. "And I remember that you've been here for me through this ordeal."

"So what does that mean?" Ashley whispers.

Spencer looks away before continuing; knowing that looking into those eyes right now would make her next speech that much harder, "I was falling in love with you all over again, Ash. And I still love you, but I'm scared. I'm scared that you're going to hurt me again. I know that with the way you've been these last few weeks I should think that things have changed, but really things just went back to the way they were when we first met."

"Spence," Ashley breathed, trying to get the blonde to look her in the eye, "I could never hurt you like that again. I love you. Aiden, Aiden was me being scared to be alone. I have always known that it wasn't really a choice, that I could only ever want you. But I freaked and bailed, and then I ran to Aiden because he was telling me he loved me and wanted to be with me. But all it would have taken is one word and I would have been at your side. It was still you I dreamed about. And things were getting better with us again."

Spencer turns back around and slowly reaches her hand out to caress Ashley's cheek, "They were getting better. And they might get better yet, but I don't know if I'm ready for it right now."

Ashley closes her eyes and tries to focus on the soft fingers on her cheek, "I can wait."

Spencer leaned in and placed a soft, chaste kiss on Ashley's lips, "Thank you."


	11. Chapter 11

I finally figured out where this story was going!!! Sorry for such the delay, to those of you who actually read this. I appreciate each and everyone of you, and hope that you are still interested in my story and this later chapter isn't a disappointment. I am hoping that the rest of the story comes a lot quicker than this last chapter did, it shouldn't be too much longer until the end. If I haven't mentioned before, I own nothing.

Spencer laid on her back, letting the days overwhelming events replay in her mind. Her memory has returned, possibly completely. She finally put an end to Carmen and her anger issues. But she was still on unsure ground with Ashley. "I thought everything would become clear once my memory came back," she sighed.

"So the rumors are true," Arthur said from the doorway, a wide smile on his face.

Spencer couldn't help but return her father's smile, "Yep, you are looking at a seemingly memory-full Spencer Carlin."

"I'm glad to hear it honey. And as for things not being clear yet, give it time."

This made Spencer groan, "That's what I am trying to do, but it isn't easy."

Arthur nods his head and takes a tentative step into his daughter's room, "Do you want to talk about it?"

Spencer sat up and patted the spot on the bed beside her, "I'm just a little confused right now. I…" she gets up and closes her door before resuming her seat, her father following. "I wake up this morning and the memories start coming back, and next thing I know I remember that Carmen shoved me and everything that happened between Ashley and I. It's a lot to take in all over again. And then throw Riley into the mix, and I just feel so lost."

The elder Carlin gives a kind smile, "It is a lot to take in all over again. You and Ashley went through a lot together. Does she know that you remember?"

"Yeah, when I got back from coffee with Riley, Ashley and Carmen were a second away from coming to blows. I tried to defuse the situation and then I remembered, or realized that I remembered, not really sure how that worked. After Carmen stormed off, hopefully for good, I told Riley she could go and Ashley and I talked."

"What did you guys say?" he prodded, sensing his daughter wanted to talk but needed the extra push.

"I told her that I was falling in love with her all over again," she pauses before standing up and starting to pace, "God! I wouldn't let anything happen between us before because I couldn't remember what happened, why we broke up and now I am too scared to let anything happen between us because I remember what happened."

Arthur looks at his daughter's distraught face and feels his heart crack a little, "Honey, I understand why you are scared, but you need to take into consideration that Ashley basically had to be forced to leave your side after the accident."

Spencer lets out a bitter laugh, "That's the thing dad, that's how things were between us when we were merely friends. We couldn't go more than a day without seeing each other. Ashley and I were as inseparable as two people could be, but the second we started dating…suddenly Aiden was back on her radar. I am so scared that the only time she really wants me is when she doesn't have me. I can't go through that again."

Now the blonde beauty is close to tears and Arthur takes that as his cue to stand and wrap his arms around her, "Shhhh. Spencer, I want you to be happy. I know, I know, that is the most cliché thing a father can say, but it's true. If Ashley makes you happy, then I want you to be with her, if she doesn't, then I want you to find someone that does."

"I wish it were that cut and dry dad," she whispers into his chest.

They stand for a minute, Spencer taking strength and love from her father's embrace. When Arthur speaks, his voice is soft and cautious, "Do you want to try and go to school tomorrow? I know you have been going stir crazy here, but if you don't think you're ready for that, you don't have to."

"I want to go. I need to go."

Arthur gives his daughter a kiss on the head and drops his arms, "If you need to talk about anything, you know you can come to me, right?"

"I know dad, and thank you."

Arthur leaves and finds Paula sitting at the dinner table with a cup of coffee in her hands, "How's she doing?"

"I think she'll be ok, she's just going through a hell of a lot right now," Arthur replies, stealing the cup for a sip.

"What did you two talk about?" Paula asks a little sadly.

"We talked about her and Ashley. She doesn't know what to do."

Paula nods her head and takes a sip, "Why wouldn't she talk to me? When I came home from work today she was sitting up in her room, would barely respond when I talked to her. I knew something must have happened, but she refused to open up to me. Why?"

Arthur sighed, "Spencer will open up to you honey. Right now what is bothering her is her relationship with Ashley, which you haven't exactly been the biggest fan of. So, she doesn't know what kind of advice to expect from you."

"She won't talk to me because she doesn't think I will give her good advice?"

"What would you tell her? If Spencer came to you and said that she was scared to be with Ashley again even though she is still in love with her, what would you say?"

Paula was silent a moment, "I would tell her that I wasn't Ashley's biggest fan, but after this whole ordeal I can see that Ashley truly cares about her, and that I just want her to be happy."

Arthur gives his wife a smile, "So tell her, let her know that you support her and she will start coming to you."

**********************************************

"I don't believe it, Spencer Carlin."

Spencer turns around and is greeted by a familiar face, "Madison Duarte." The two embraced, "So how's King High been treating you since the accident?"

"Pretty much the same, it sucks, more so with so many of the people worth talking to gone."

Spencer laughs and starts walking towards her high school, "I'm glad someone missed me."

"Who said I was talking about you?"

"Oh, sadly it feels so good to be back. Staying cooped up in the house with Glen was starting to drive me crazy."

"You have my pity."

"Thanks."

As the two enter the school Spencer runs into a well muscled chest, "Sorry. Spencer?"

She looks up as is met with the eyes of no other than Aiden Dennison, "Hey."

"You're back at school, does that mean?"

"It means," she answers awkwardly. She had been hoping to avoid him for a while. She hasn't decided how she wants to treat him yet.

He smiles genuinely, "That's great."

Madison looks at Spencer and can read her body language well enough, "Spencer, you wanna come with me to the office?I need to talk to Mr. Snyder and you probably need to talk to someone in the office."

Spencer flashes a grateful smile, "Yeah. I'll see you around Aiden."

The school day wasn't that eventful. None of the teachers forced her to participate, but they did load her up with work and extra credit so she could get caught up. What people she was friendly with said they were glad that she was back. She killed a couple rumors about her absence. And she spent lunch with Madison of all people. But it was nice, returning to normal, or some derivative there of.

As she was walking towards the parking lot after school Aiden caught up with her again, "Hey, Spencer."

She turns and gives him a smile, "Hey."

"Do you…need a ride home?"

She adjusts her backpack and looks at the lot for Glen's car, "Umm, the ass is supposed to be picking me up, but thanks."

He nods his head and looks around a little, "So…I'm sorry."

She looks at him with caution, "Sorry about what?"

She notices that he has the decency to look uncomfortable, "I'm sorry that I went after Ashley like that. I'm sorry that I confused her heartbreak over you to meaning she actually wanted to be with me. I uh, I've been doing a lot of thinking lately, and basically I was a selfish dick."

Spencer thinks for a moment, "And you tried to break us up at prom because…?"

"I did still have feelings for Ashley, and…I after seeing that video of the two of us when we had been together, I thought she had been truly happy with me."

"You and me both," Spencer mutters bitterly.

"But I was wrong. Ashley when that video was made isn't the same Ashley that you dated. That Ashley was popular. That Ashley didn't realize that she was gay. That Ashley got along with her mother relatively well. That Ashley's father was still alive. That Ashley didn't know about Kyla. That Ashley's life was a lot simpler, a lot happier. It wasn't me. And if you had known her in the time between then and you, you would have seen that you made her happy. I…I'm sorry I got confused and helped Ashley hurt you. You didn't deserve that, and I hope that you two can work things out."

He points over Spencer's shoulder and she turns to find Ashley sitting in her car watching the two of them. "Ashley may screw up and be selfish a good part of the time, but she makes it about you a lot more than she ever made it about me. She wants you to feel special, she wants you to know she cares about you and she doesn't just try to control you. Just wanted to clear that up." He smiles and walks towards his own car, giving Ashley a nod of acknowledgment.

Spencer walks towards Ashley, still processing Aiden's revelations, "Hi."

"I thought you might need a ride home," Ashley says nervously. She has no idea what Spencer and Aiden were talking about, but if the past is any indicator, it could hurt her chances at winning Spencer back completely.

"Thanks," Spencer gets in and sends her brother a text telling him not to come.

Ashley flashes a smile and starts the drive to Spencer's house. On the ride Ashley doesn't say much, content just listening to Spencer recount the day's events. She never asks what her and Aiden talked about, trusting that if Spencer wanted to talk about it she would bring it up. They arrive outside the Carlin residence and Spencer leaves with a thanks. Ashley sits in her car and watches Spencer walk towards the door, and her heart speeds up when Spencer turns her head just the slightest to look at Ashley one last time before entering the house.

"I can wait," Ashley whispers before pulling out of the driveway and heading back to the studio she rushed out of.

**************

Please R&R even if its just to yell at me for taking so long to update.


	12. Chapter 12

I did it, I managed to update my story in a mostly timely manner. Go me. I think the story is winding down, but this chapter went in a direction I didn't plan on, in part anyways, so I may have a little bit more to say, but still, nearly at the end. Thanks to all those who reviewed, you mean a lot to me. Enjoy.

******************************************

"Hey honey," Paula says giving Spencer a big hug as she enters the house.

"Hi mom," Spencer says a little nervous. Her mother was supposed to be at work right now. "What's up?"

"Oh, nothing, I just wanted to be home when you got done with school. See how it went. Make sure it wasn't too much for you after getting your memories back," she says while placing the back of her hand against Spencer's forehead.

"I don't have a fever mom," the younger Carlin laughs and starts walking up the stairs to drop off her backpack. But she keeps talking, so her mom doesn't think she's blowing her off, "And school was, school. I have like a mountain of homework, but I should be able to graduate on time. Which I see as a plus."

"I agree. So, Ashley picked you up from school?"

Spencer turns to her mother and notices how uncertain she looks, "Yeah. She beat Glen there; I swear the world would explode if he ever showed up on time. Why?"

Paula looks around Spencer's room with interest, "No reason, just, wondering."

"Wondering what?" Spencer immediately felt bad, her tone came out a little harsher than she meant it to, but she does have her memories back.

"I was wondering what was going on between the two of you." She holds up her hands to stop the interruption, "Not because I am going to tell you that I don't like her or that I don't want the two of you to be together. I'm your mother and I have a right to know what is going on in your love life. And, let's face it, that part of your life has pretty much revolved around Ashley since we moved here."

Spencer sits down and takes in her mother, "It hasn't been all about Ashley. It was about Aiden during my denial stage. And then about Carmen for a minute. And…without my memories Riley was floating around the edges."

Paula raises an eyebrow, "You were interested in Aiden because you were in denial about Ashley. And Carmen was your rebound from Ashley. And Riley, ok, she may legitimately have been a non-Ashley related possibility, but as you put it she was just "floating around the edges". And don't look at me like that, despite what you may think, you are my daughter and I know you pretty well."

Spencer can't help but laugh a little, "I guess you do. So, what do you want to know about Ashley and me?"

"I want to know what's going on in my daughter's life. I want to know if Ashley is about to become a major part of it again. I want to know what's going through my daughter's mind."

"Mom, a lot is going through my mind right now. A lot I need to try and sort out."

"I can help you sort it out," Paula offers, nervous again.

Spencer looks into her mom's eyes for a moment before a giant smile breaks out on her face, "Thank you mom. But right now I just need to think."

Paula nods her head in acceptance and leaves the room after giving her daughter a kiss on the forehead.

*****************************************

"Where the hell did you run off to? Do you realize that I am sticking my neck out here for you Ashley? This is not the kind of impression you want to make with producers!" Ethan whisper shouts when the brunette reenters the studio.

"I'm sorry, but there was somewhere I had to be. And it isn't like I ran out in the middle of a meeting; I stepped out while we were doing playbacks on the song. I wasn't gone that long…"

"An hour, you were gone for almost an hour!"

"And it isn't like the label execs are here right now. This is just you me and some friend of yours making a demo."

"But this could get back to them. They aren't going to sign someone they think is going to flake out on them. They need to know that your music career is important to you."

Ashley shakes her head, "It is important to me, but there are more important things."

"Like what? Ashley, do you realize the opportunity you have here? You are getting a second chance at something millions of people will never get a first chance at."

"Yeah, well, between my second chance at a career in music and my chance at getting Spencer back, I'm gonna pick Spencer every time."

Ethan looks at her with surprise on his face, "You left because of Spencer?"

Ashley sits down on the couch and stares Ethan dead in the eye, "Spencer went back to school today, I needed to pick her up."

He rubs the back of his neck, "Ashley, I understand what young love is like. But this is your future we are talking about. Hit this demo out of the park, and you are on your way to being the next big thing. You have everything required to be a superstar, you have the voice, the attitude, the body, the pedigree. You need to understand that Ashley."

She stands back up and walks to within inches of him, "No, Ethan, you need to understand that Spencer is my future. I love music, I want to spend the rest of my life doing it, but it doesn't have to be on the big stage. If I have to spend the rest of my life playing at open mic nights in order to be with Spencer the way she deserves then that is what I am going to do."

Ethan stares at the girl before him like he has never seen her before, "Why don't we finish the demo, and deal with everything else after the label gives the verdict."

"Fine."

Ashley left the record studio about an hour and a half later and was surprised at who she found in front of her building. "Hi, Riley. How…what…how long have you been sitting here?"

"A while."

Ashley stands there, not really sure what the hell is going on, "Ok. Why?"

Riley stands up from the steps and rubs her hands together nervously, "I'm not sure."

"Sorry, can't help you with that one."

"I was driving from back to my apartment from class today and I started thinking about Spencer. Next thing I knew I'm sitting in front of your apartment."

Ashley runs a hand through her hair, "So maybe I could have helped a little. You want to talk to me about Spencer?"

"Yeah."

Ashley stares at the college student with guarded eyes, "What about Spencer?"

Riley starts to pace a little, "I like Spencer."

"Duh."

"I like Spencer a lot. I think that, given the chance, we could have something nice."

Ashley has no clue where this conversation is going, but she is guessing she isn't going to like it, "And?"

"And I am trying to figure out what the right thing to do is. I've been the one who loses out to a third party, and it sucks. And the girl I lost wasn't as amazing as Spencer is. I don't want to "steal" her from you. But…"

"But you want to be with her," Ashley finishes, still really confused.

"Yeah. I think I've decided to try and fight for her. I can tell it won't be easy, whatever is between you two is pretty damn strong, but I'll try."

"Let me get this straight," Ashley speaks slowly as she processes, "you came here to tell me that you are going to fight for Spencer because you want to be with her. However, you don't want to steal her away from me because you know how much that sucks."

"Good summary."

"So explain this to me, what makes you think that you have a chance at winning Spencer over at all?"

Riley smiles slightly for the first time, "Because there's a spark."

Ashley knew she wouldn't like where this conversation went, "There's a spark between you two?"

"A small one. I think it will take a hell of a lot of work and time to get it to the level of what's between you two, but it's there," Riley says with a shrug.

"So what, you want me to stay away from Spencer?"

"No," Riley laughs. "For starters, I'm not that stupid. Secondly, I like Spencer too much to pull something like that. You mean too much to her. What I am trying to say is that I am giving you a heads up that I am going to stick around until she tells me explicitly that she wants to be with you."

Ashley stares dumbfounded, "You're weird. Why are you telling me anything? Why not just do what you are telling me?"

"Common courtesy. I figure you deserve at least that much. I'm hoping that this will make things a little easier for Spencer. Now she doesn't have to debate telling you that I am still around, you already know."

"Yeah, definitely weird," Ashley shakes her head. "Why are doing this? I mean, you barely know Spencer."

"How long did it take before you knew that you wanted to be with her?

The brunette smiles, "So fast I didn't realize it."

"I may not have known her that long, but already I feel this…I don't even know the word for it. Spencer has this quality about her that draws me in. It makes me want her. Makes me want to be hers."

"Something about her that makes me want take care of her, and for her to take care of me," Ashley finishes.

"Exactly the point I was trying to make."

Ashley looks around the neighborhood, digesting what is probably the oddest conversation she has ever had, "I won't threaten you, tell you to stay away from Spencer. I may have done that with Carmen, and she wasn't even the threat you are. I want Spencer to be happy, and she seems to like you. But I want you to understand that I'm not gonna stop trying either, and that in the long run you don't stand a chance. I don't know if I believe in fate or destiny, but I know that Spencer is it for me. It goes beyond belonging with each other, Spencer and I belong to each other."

"And that's why I'll probably lose. The hopeless romantic in me is rooting for the two of you. But, I like her too much to just watch."

Ashley shakes her head, "I want you to know I'm hating you right now. Not because I'm scared you are going to get Spencer, but because you make it hard to hate you."

"I get that, or something along those lines, a lot."

Ashley watches Riley leave before heading up into the loft. She checks her phone and sees that during their little chat she received a few texts. The first was from Ethan: **I need you to come back tomorrow at noon. **The second was from Kyla: **I'm at Yoga and forgot my keys, can you be home around six to let me in? **And the last was from a certain blonde: **Hey, I was wondering if we could talk. **

"Sorry Riley."

***************************************

Spencer stares at her math book, willing it to make sense. So far, no such luck, but she's keeping her hopes high. Her attempt at catching up is interrupted by her phone. She smiles a little and reads the text: **Of course we can talk where do you want to meet?**

Spencer thinks about it a minute: **How about the beach? In about an hour? **

It doesn't take any time for the response: **Done**

Spencer sits back; she isn't sure what she is going to say to Ashley. But Aiden's words have been weighing her down all this time. She decided that the best way to sort through them would be to confront Ashley. Hopefully she's right. Now all she has to do is find a ride to the beach. Her brother is home, but getting him to help her out will require some deal making.

She gets up and walks down the stairs to find her brother playing Guitar Hero, poorly. She covers her ears and enters the living room, "How many times are you going to butcher Welcome to the Jungle?"

Glen doesn't even respond, all attention on the TV screen. She waits patiently, foot tapping and arms crossed. When he finishes the song he turns to her, "What?"

"I was wondering if you could give me a ride to the beach."

"What for?"

"I'm meeting Ashley there."

He nods his head, "Ok, what time?"

Spencer stares at him, "Who are you and what have you done with my brother?"

"What? You asked me for a favor, and like the good brother I am, I am doing it. Quit looking so surprised."

"But you are helping me meet Ashley," she explains.

He chooses the next song to play, "How many songs do I have time for?"

"I told her I'd meet her in an hour."

"Cool. Now watch as I destroy your score!" he starts playing When You Were Young by The Killers, the song Spencer holds the top score position after playing it perfectly.

"In your dreams," she laughs and flops down on the couch.


	13. Chapter 13

I got my computer back today after a nasty virus and was motivated to finally finish the story. It is fairly short, but I feel that I wrap up things decently enough. I hope you have enjoyed this. Now, I have an idea floating around my head for my latest story attempt but would appreciate a little feedback before setting in stone what I am going to do with it. So the next "chapter" isn't really a chapter but a teaser for "An Arbitrary Disaster". Enjoy and thanks to those who read this and another thanks to those who reviewed.

Glen pulls into the parking lot at the beach and looks at his sister, "Do you need me to stay or should I scram?"

Spencer looks out the window and can just barely make out Ashley standing under the pier. "You can probably go."

"Good."

"And what do you mean by that?"

"I mean that implies you are not going to tell Ashley off or to back-off or something."

Spencer swears Glen has been taken over by a pod person, "And you see that as a good thing."

He rolls his eyes, "Are you gonna get out or what? I'm hungry and the diner down the street is calling my name."

"I'm getting out, I'm getting out. But don't think I am going to let this go. I want to know what medication you are on that is making you act like this."

"Ha, ha," he says sarcastically as she exits the car.

While Glen pulls away Spencer makes her way towards the beach. Her mind is a jumble of thoughts, mostly fears. Is she ready to have this talk with Ashley? Will she make the right decision? Was Aiden right this afternoon? Her thoughts carry her all the way to Ashley, who somehow manages to look both nervous and optimistic.

"Hey," they say in unison.

A moment of silence follows before Ashley decides to push the conversation, for once. "So we're here to talk?"

Spencer looks at Ashley and finally makes up her mind about what she needs to do, "Yeah. I realized today that I need to just make up my mind. I need to make a decision and stick with it."

"Ok, and this decision would be…?"

"I have to either move on from you completely," Ashley's heart drops, "or push my fears aside and jump in head-first."

She waits for a response, for the final verdict, but Spencer doesn't open her mouth again, "Way to build up the suspense Spence."

The blonde takes a deep breath, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry it took me this long to realize I was being an idiot." She closes the distance and places a soft kiss on Ashley's lips. The brunette doesn't hesitate for a millisecond deepening the kiss and making sure there is no distance between their bodies. Both girls feel the nerves and doubt leave their bodies as the kiss lingers. And when they finally pull apart both have brilliant smiles lighting up their faces.

"You scared the shit out of me," Ashley whispers between light kisses.

"What can I say, I have a flare for the dramatic," Spencer whispers back.

They bask in each other's presence for a few more minutes before Ashley's curiosity gets the best of her, "So what changed?"

Spencer brushes bangs out of Ashley's face, caressing it softly, "Amazingly, Aiden."

"Did not see that one coming. What did he say to you today?"

"He said that he was sorry for stealing you away. And…"

"No one could steal me from you," Ashley interjected, "I was a moron and got lost, but he didn't steal me."

Spencer places another soft kiss on her lover's lips, "Would you let me finish? He told me he was sorry for last year, and that you care more about me than you ever cared for him. He told me to give you another chance."

"And that did it? That convinced you to let me back in?"

"Not completely. I really didn't make up my mind completely until I saw you standing here. I knew that I would have to make a decision one way or the other, that it was too confusing and hard to be in-between with you, but I didn't know which I was going to choose when I asked you to meet me. I was actually expecting to have a talk with you before knowing which option to go with."

"Wow. Are you sure you aren't going to change your mind, like last time?" Ashley asks nervously, that would completely devastate her.

Spencer sits down and pulls Ashley on top of her, "I'm sure."

"How can you be sure?"

Another soft kiss, "Because the thing that was holding me back was being terrified that once you had me you would get bored with me. Like with what happened with Aiden. But with what he said today it made me go back over everything and decide that wasn't what happened."

"It wasn't. I…Aiden was me being terrified."

"That's what I still don't get. What were you so terrified of. I thought you had come to terms with being gay?"

"I had. Realizing that at seventeen I had found the person I am supposed to spend the rest of my life with was a little overwhelming. I got so scared about screwing that up, screwing you up, that I pulled away. But, after being with you I wanted to feel loved, so I ran to Aiden. What?" Ashley asked at Spencer's smile.

"You realized last year we were going to spend the rest of our lives together?"

"Well, yeah."

"When?"

"God, I don't know. I guess I actually had the thoughts right after we came back from running away. Am I freaking you out telling you this? Do you not agree that we are going to…?"

"Ash, calm down. I started seeing us as an old married couple ever since you told me you would rather protect me than be right."

After a half hour spent cuddled together, staring at the waves, sharing soft and sweet kisses Ashley lets out a soft laugh. Spencer turns and raises an eyebrow in question. "You will never guess who stopped by to talk to me today."

"Ok. Who?"

"Riley."

"Really, what did she want?"

Ashley's smug smile came out, "To tell me that she was going to try harder to win you over."

"Weird."

"That's what I thought. Guess she made up her mind a little too late."

Spencer thought for a second, "No. I liked Riley well enough, and without my memories maybe something more would have happened, but I just liked talking to her. She is a very good therapist. God, Kelly was right, I am a tease!"

Ashley laughs, "You aren't a tease. Exactly. You don't intentionally lead people on, you just lead them on without trying because you are nice and they want to believe you are flirting with them."

"Being nice and being a tease are two completely separate things."

"I told you, Riley was attracted to you anyways, and I can't fault her for that, and so she wanted to believe that you were flirting with her. Therefore, you aren't actually a tease, you are just too hard to resist."

"You are so cheesy sometimes."

"But you love it," Ashley shrugs.

"Luckily for you. So, what else has been going on with you? Everything has been all about me lately."

Ashley kisses Spencer's temple, "You have had a lot going on lately. But, back to me, I am working with Ethan to make a demo to give to a label."

"Oh my God, Ash that is so great! I knew you were going to make it as a musician."

"I haven't made it yet. The demo isn't even finished yet and the people upstairs still have to like it."

"Ashley, you have never done modesty before so don't start now. I know the demo you are working on is going to be amazing and the producers or whoever listens to it is going to love it and you. Now, don't expect me to feed your ego on a regular basis."

"But isn't that what girlfriends are supposed to do?" Ashley asks with a smile.

"Oh, so you think this means we are dating again?" Spencer teases.

"I know you can't resist my charm. Or my body. Or my voice. Or my wit."

"Don't forget your money."

"Why Spencer Carlin, I am hurt, you are only after my money?"

"And your body. The others I could care less about," Spencer smiles sweetly.

Ashley's eyes narrow in mock anger, "Well, just so you know, I am only using you to get to your mother."

"Ew! Too far, took the joke too far!" Spencer yells while shoving the brunette off of her. Ashley retaliates and the two roll around wrestling in the sand for a good five minutes before Ashley manages to pin Spencer under her. "So now what are you going to do?" Spencer asks softly.

Ashley leans down until her lips are barely touching the blonde's, "I am going to curse that we are in such a public location."

"You know, that is a problem with a solution."

Ashley's eyes dart to the parking lot and back down to Spencer's, "Which will be faster, the two of us running or me carrying you?"

Spencer chuckles and leans up so her lips are right next to Ashley's ear, "Don't use any more energy than you have to."


	14. Teaser

This is not part of Pain Comes in Many Forms, this is my idea for how to start my next project An Arbitrary Disaster. I am posting this teaser to see if anyone is interested and in the hopes of some feedback before I set in stone what I want to do. Thanks and enjoy.

"Now remember Spence, if you need anything at all today…"

"Remind me one more time and Glen I swear to give you a swift kick to the shins."

Clay smirks at his siblings, "Why don't we leave the office and get to class? I don't think being late is a good way to start off at a new school."

"Sounds like a plan," Spencer says relieved. Her brothers have not left her side since entering the building, and while understanding and appreciating, it still gets annoying.

Both Carlin boys step forward to hug their sister, and both Carlin boys stop when she tenses. They don't say anything, they just accept her apologetic smile and give smiles of their own. She doesn't say anymore, choosing to leave the office and get this day over with as quickly as possible. Glen and Clay fight the urge to follow her to her classroom door, instead going their separate ways as they start their first day at King High. As they truly start their lives in California. As they start trying to move on from Ohio.

"Ashley Davies. Why am I not surprised?" Mrs. Snyder asks as the brunette enters the office.

"Depends on what you are not surprised about," Ashley says with a cheeky grin.

"You are lucky I like you for some reason. And that Principal Bell doesn't leave his office very often," the secretary says while writing an excused tardy slip.

"I am aware of how lucky I am, and I promise not to abuse my luck. Too much."

"So what's the real reason this time?"

Ashley slips off her glasses and squints at the artificial lighting, "Mommy dearest and I had another fight last night."

Mrs. Snyder nods her head, needing no further explanation after knowing the Davies girl for three years. "Here's your slip, now get to class. This is your senior year, and I am not going to keep helping you slack off."

Ashley flashes her famous smile and walks backwards out of the office, "I'll see you later."


End file.
